Homeschooling, the WHERE of it all

I went to public elementary school in the 1970's.  I remember ambling into the classroom, meeting my new teacher, then scanning the neat rows of desks to find the one that had a laminated piece of construction paper with my name printed in sharpie taped to the front.  I think back now and wonder how I squeezed my tiny heiny into that little desk, open only on one side, and fit my pencil box and brand new Leif Garrett folder in the cubby under the seat.  The first day was exciting.  After that, it was only exciting if the head of the person in front of you became afflicted in some way.   Excessive oil.  Lice.  I remember in the 11th grade, the guy that sat behind me got excited that I learned to french braid.  Sad really.

Sure, when you homeschool, you could do it that way.  IKEA rocks.  Get the desks lined up with color coordinated desk accessories.  Spend money at the teacher store buying colored cardboard divider thingys,  posters of manuscript letters to hang on the wall, folders to do centers (whatever that is)  Clearly, the pastel circles were an unfortunate decorating faux pas that has resulted in an ambiance akin to Easter egg purgatory. 

This is for me.  I love brand new curriculum that's still stiff when you open it.  Complete sets of crayons and glue sticks with lids.  Sharpened pencils all in one place.  It holds the promise that this year will be different.  This year, maybe all the kids will sit quietly for hours as we progress methodically through each subject's curriculum.  In order.  In it's entirety.

This is day 1.  Beginning in the 2nd week I will get blank stares when I ask them to pull out their color coded scissors because they've been lost somewhere in the kitchen, covered with sticky sugar, the result of having been used to cut open freezer popsicles and not returned to their right, very expertly labeled, place.  I will be snapped out of my blind optimism and back into reality that number one son is pretty much fine with school and curriculum any way I pick it.  Number one daughter is probably NOT fine with all the curriculum choices because, in her opinion, if the cover of the book spells SCIENCE that way instead of S-I-A-N-T-S, as it should be spelled, well she doesn't trust it.  And the youngest will stare at the curriculum for less than a minute before he starts flipping it, stabbing at it, shooting it with his finger gun, acting as though he's receiving enemy fire from it, fake dying, resurrecting and re-entering the battle, apparently deaf from the concussion of the imaginary explosions and unable to hear my repeated requests for him to sit back down. 

Notice her face.  She knows this is an exercise in futility and she's only beginning 2nd grade.

But there is hope. I remember once again, that despite my well intentioned plans and curriculum purchases, some of the best learning comes from experiences and talking with experts in their fields of study.  Full immersion.  Curiosity.  Education that involves senses of smell and touch, different kinds of hearing and occasionally taste, not usually engaged by curriculum.

                                                           Maybe science class might look like this:



Or this:

                                                                               Or maybe even this:

Our science classes look exactly like this at Crystal Springs Preserve.  The kids study things like survival training, Florida's native plants and wildlife, biodiversity, symbiosis, water sampling and testing, and orienteering.  Once the kids even passed around skeletons of dead animals to determine if they were carnivores, herbivores or omnivores by studying teeth and eye placement.  A well run program with great content and hands on activities.  Fabulous, and I mean fabulous teachers.  Shout out Sonja and Jessica!
http://www.crystalspringspreserve.com/

The Museum of Science and Industry (MOSI) also offers science classes, but more often with a leaning more toward the technology side.  They have great classroom environments and access to the Kids in Charge area with plenty of technology related hands on activities.  And again, fabulous teachers.  Kids that show a particular interest in outer space related sciences, dynamics of flight, robotics and computer roller coaster design, this is the place for you.
http://www.campfun.org/

Disclaimer:  Any resemblance to actual socialized kids may be purely coincidental.

Afraid they'll miss out on 'normal things' like riding a bus?  There was a bus there once.  We just asked if we could try it out.  It's not a total experience, it's true.  But I'm grateful. 

In my day, the worst thing I ever saw on a bus is people trying to sell cinnamon toothpicks.

I've heard it's worse now.

Public schools are cutting out the arts.  But as homeschoolers, we have availability to attend performances at the Straz Center, festivals, libraries and local theme parks.  One of our favorites is the Finding Nemo show  at Disney's Animal Kingdom.   We've seen it enough times to have the script and score memorized.  It gives us the freedom to notice the production details.  Who knows what fascination will spark the recognition of a child's career calling?

 Additionally, we are able to bring the arts to others...say puppets to Everyday Blessings, a displaced children's residential home.




Spring '11

...and crafts.  This time we were cavorting with some public schooled friends.  But you could probably   pick them out in this picture.  I've heard homeschooled kids look weird. 

Number one son has a particular interest in drawing, cartooning and caricaturing.  At Disney's Hollywood Studios, he has the opportunity to take classes taught by actual Disney Animators, tour Walt Disney's museum on the history of animation and talk with caricature artists around the park who graciously share tricks of the trade and offer encouragement.  It's likely that your public library may offer opportunities to learn from real artists as well.  Sometimes large book stores will host an animator whose book is being released.  All great opportunities to learn if you help your kids to have the confidence and courage to ask questions. 

Light desks.  Disney style.

My kids are much more prone to remember the word Keratin and the fact that it's the substance found in hair, fingernails and Rhinoceros horns if they've actually been this close to a Rhinoceros.  The first thing they'll look up when they get home is the number of African deaths attributed to Rhinoceros each year and we'll be sure to figure out in which areas of Africa we should be most careful should we ever go.  Of course, we already got a taste of tribal costuming and music while we ate lunch and experienced the native language when we talked with the African man hand carving walking sticks under the baobab tree.

 Like Busch Gardens, Disney's Animal Kingdom is passionate about education.  At Rafiki's Planet watch there are plenty of opportunities to observe and interact with animals, trainers, scientists and doctors.  Again, who knows what passions are locked up in your child's heart.   Of course, all of these are opportunities to marvel at the diversity of God's creation.  Up close and personal.

Marine science?  The Florida Aquarium has homeschool classes.  They even offer dissection classes for older students so you don't have to store fetal sharks and sea stars in the home fridge.  Sea World has some great learning opportunities too, as does this aquarium at EPCOT.  Because of homeschooling, we're able to go on really slow days, like Tuesdays in September.  The staff are very available and willing to impart knowledge to eager little kids.  Another experience is Nature's Academy where you are able to go on kayak adventure tours with marine biologists.  Some of these trips include snorkling in grass beds, nature hikes and dissections.

  Not only are they learning....they really are socializing. 

Geography....no problem.  EPCOT!

China Coke is not bad.  Costa Rica's too sweet.  Israel Coke is nasty. 

What a wonderful way to spark curiosity about the rest of the world through sampling food, dress, language, culture, architecture, art,  music and live performances. 

Mexico, China, Japan, Italy, Norway (our heritage), England, Morocco, Germany, France, Canada

Good times.

                           Warning:  Studying other countries may lead to the need to costume.
  

We live in a farming community and have the opportunity to visit various farms and observe operations. 
Since I'm a tragic gardener myself, this provides my kids an opportunity to do the hard work of harvesting a crop and preparing and canning the product for storage.  Strawberry jam is more appreciated when you've labored yourself.  And my kids can certainly appreciate that if they relied on Mom's gardening skills, starvation would be a real possiblity.  We're grateful for the farmers.

EPCOT has wonderful interactive experiences to educate little ones and their parents on the latest developments in hydroponics and other alternative/eco friendly/organic farming. 
Interactive.  Hands on.

  

Interactive street performers in fake EPCOT England.  We used our map skills to find it.

Auto Mechanics?

It's a true statement that we're blessed to be able to avail ourselves of some of these opportunities.  But please don't be discouraged if your current budget does not permit some of these choices.  There are plenty of opportunities to explore nature particularly through parks, camping, fishing and the like.  Public libraries and county extension offices are a good source of free learning adventures.  My daughter was blessed to spend a few hours a week with a neighbor learning to sew.  Make the decision to be resourceful.  You can always find or make your own opportunities if you decide to.

There's a whole big world out there, and we're in it.  We're exploring, asking questions, participating.  If we want to learn more, we get a book or go on the internet or find an expert in the field.  The kids do it without resistance because they want the information, their interest has been piqued.   Learning is fun and an adventure. 

 Exposure breeds curiosity.  Curiosity produces an environment conducive to learning without resistance.  

                                                   It's true, sometimes it looks like this:

               And sure, we do math and language arts stuff too....but it mostly looks something like this.

                                           

                                          She probably forgot about her IKEA desk.

And not for nothing, after little people experience Jedi training at Disney's Hollywood Studios, it's really not too hard to get a kid to do Jedi phonics with a Yoda pen.



Guest Post Tampa Bay HEAT Homeschool 101, Melissa Hale, Spouseisms

 

The following is a guest post from my friend Melissa Hale who has been sucessfully homeschooling her 2 beautiful daughters past several years.  In this piece, she describes transitioning from public school to homeschool and offers a realistic picture of that experience and words of encouragement. 

I pray this meets you right where you are and breathes a little wind in your sail.

Jen

____________________________________________________

          If you think you might and

            you think you should, 

          you might should."

My friend, Janice,  said this to another friend, Rachel, who was considering homeschooling. We were standing in the middle of the Florida Parent Educator's Association (FPEA) Convention. I had encouraged Rachel to come check it out to see the many options available to us modern-day homeschoolers. We were bee-boppin' all around and I was showing her all the great tools out there and introducing her to all my people!

There was a slight problem: I'm pretty sure I was dangling on the proverbial edge of my annual Convention-induced meltdown. Seriously. I do this every year. Still!

(I'll get back to the meltdown in a minute.)

I blame this meltdown on our public school experience. I do. I don't mean my personal public school experience, I mean that of my girls. Every teacher we had was wonderful and, I believe, genuinely loved my girls. The school was in a small community with a lot of teachers and students we know personally. Before my oldest daughter's kindergarten teacher was assigned, I was on the PTA board. No joke. I got the position during the summer and I loved it. The sanguine in me was in my element. I volunteered at the school often and spent some time in the classroom with my girls. I could see first hand how great these teachers were. We had the best public school situation anyone could ask for.

Still, it wasn't home.

There had always been a part of me that thought I might should bring my girls home. It was always nagging at me that I could school them and I knew that our school situation wouldn't always be so grand.

So, I pulled them out. Out of the blue. You can read a little more about that here.

When my girls were in 2nd grade and Kindergarten, they came home for Christmas break and never went back. Our family knew it was the right thing for us to do; although, I'm pretty sure our friends thought we were nuts. We were all right!

I quickly mailed my Letter of Intent before I could change my mind. I cried when I talked to the principal and the teachers. They were so encouraging, really. I let them know that I may well be back there in the fall if I flunked as a homeschool parent.  I showed up at one of the teacher's houses to tell her. What? That's not creepy! I cried on her lanai and she asked me to homeschool her boys. I love that woman. She's also the reason I have a meltdown every full moon and Convention.

I tell you all of this so that, hopefully, even without me serving you some chips and salsa, you will allow me to encourage you should you decide to make the transition from public school to homeschool.

You were the first teacher. -- This makes you the best teacher. Oh, how I play the game of "Finishing that education degree would have been the smart thing to do." I had Florida Prepaid College. I blew a great deal of it. My major is/was English Education. I've been a Senior at USF off and on since 1999. Guess what? I only need to be one day smarter than my girls. Sometimes only 5 minutes smarter. You can do this.

Capture their hearts the first year. -- As an educator at heart, this advice made my head hurt. People would say, "You can't count the whole first year." What? The whole first year? I can't blow off a whole year of learning! Not on my watch! Here's the deal: I didn't know how much authority I had given away until I tried to get it back. For real. I had spent so much time building up the teachers as "THE teachers", my oldest daughter didn't think I could teach her. At one low moment, she actually said to me, "Mom, you only know how to teach high schoolers." She was in the 2nd grade!! So, as much as you can, just love on them the first year. Play Yahtzee for math, or UNO. Get Banagrams. Read, read, read. Read aloud. Cook. Go to the park.  Do the fun part of learning and just connect your hearts. Memorize passages of Scripture together. This will help minimize those 'low moments'.

Which brings me to...

The highs are high and the lows are low. -- Let's not pretend here. Homeschooling, like it's twin sister, Parenting, is not for sissies. The children are carnal creatures and they know what buttons to push and what buttons to dance around on for dramatic effect. They can smell weakness. They will test you. I don't tell you this to scare you, but to arm you! If you know that there are going to be some hellacious days, you will be less likely to quit when those days come! Only total spaztards like me quit every month.

Insecurity is the devil! -- We have to fight this one together! I have never been so insecure about anything as I am about educating my girls! I mean nothing! Not speaking in front of large audiences, not speaking on television, not cellulite. On the flip side, some of my friends are insecure about their choice to have their kids in public school. We have to encourage one another! That said, I have to remember the encouraging words I have said to others and apply them to myself! I know that a good deal of my insecurity comes from the fact that I saw with my own eyes how great my girls' teachers were. Had we had a negative experience, I would probably be thinking, "Well, at least I'm doing better than that!"

The Curriculum works for you, you don't work for the curriculum. -- Now, you are freaking out about curriculum right now, because you are just going to stock up on books and games and grease that bicycle chain, but LATER, when you are ready, remember that about curriculum. And, remind me of it every now and again, would ya? Picture this: It's May 15th and your Language Arts book still has 3 months of work left in it. How did this happen? What a loser mom! It's not the kids' fault, they are just kids! I am so DONE with schooling right now, no way can we skip Summer!? I should have had more of a schedule! I shouldn't have let him do drums AND soccer! How will he be president??? Here's what you do: CLOSE UP SHOP! Ask any of your teacher friends if they do every single lesson in their books. Do it. Ask 'em! They don't! And, you don't have to, either! My hands are on my hips and I am using my best 4th grade voice, "The curriculum is not the boss of me!" You have been given dominion over the curriculum, not the other way around. Be free!!

I really wish we could munch on some chips and salsa face to face. I would tell you that I love homeschooling... most days. That anything worth doing is hard. I would tell you about the days we couldn't even FIND our math book. I would tell you that I blame myself that my youngest doesn't spell as well as my oldest and the only difference is how long they went to public school. And, I hope you would tell me how ridiculous that is and that there are plenty of PS kids that aren't great spellers. I would tell you that my kids are not at all social retarded. They can hold their own with peers and adults alike. I would tell you that some of our best days have been doing reading and math out on the trampoline. Maddy's best poem was written there, too. I would tell you that many math assignments have been completed on I-4 on the way to Disney where we would practice our mapping skills and multiplication facts while standing in line. This is also a good way to work on lapsed time, i.e., "We got in line at 11:37am, it is now 12:10pm, how long have we been in line?"

Before we ended our chips and salsa chat, I would ask if I could pray for you. And, you would let me.

Jesus, Thank you for moms who follow your leadership into the unknown and tough places. Lord, please give these women peace in their decision to educate their children. These children are gifts, and I pray that we would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance in what ways to teach our children academically each year. Help us, Lord, to have the courage to change paths when you tell us to. Help us to encourage one another to follow you with complete abandon. Thank you for homeschooling and the freedom to parent the way I see fit. Thank you, Lord, for being the perfect parent. Amen.

Melissa Hale

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to 
complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

http://www.spouseisms.blogspot.com

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Guest Post: Homeschooling for the Long Haul

This is another guest post, this time from my sweet friend Heidi at MusingsoftheBlearyEyed.wordpress.com  I asked Heidi to write this piece to help assuage some of the fear and guilt associated with homeschooling through high school.  She is a homeschool graduate who is now schooling 4 children under the age of seven (hence the name of her blog)

Homeschooling for the Long Haul

My friend, Jen, over at Homeschooling in High Heels asked me for a post to encourage homeschooling parents that are facing the high school years. So here goes…
(disclaimer: this is not written from my experience as a homeschooling parent for the long haul, rather from my experiences as a homeschooled student from 1st through 12th grade. I understand that the task of homeschooling all the way through high school is a difficult one and I pray that God gives me the grace and strength to do so when the time comes. May He grant you the grace and strength to walk the path He has laid before you too.)
When I was at the tender age of 5 my parents were introduced to the idea of home education. I wish I could remember what their initial reaction was…I mean, as common as home education is today it was downright strange back then. I’m not sure how much time passed between hearing the idea and deciding to take the leap but leap they did. Right into the deep end of the pool. By faith alone. My sister was going into 3rd grade, I was ready for 1st and little sister was along for the ride. They faced rude and pessimistic comments from the private school we had been attending. Most family members were not antagonistic, rather, they were curiously doubtful, but I am sure they all thought my parents had lost it. Still, my parents persevered.
There were struggles. Teaching a child to read isn’t easy. Teaching math, science, history, and geography while simultaneously coaching good character and conflict resolution is exhausting. There was also the fear of some government authority knocking on your door and taking your children away.
Fast forward 25 years. My parents have graduated 6 out of 7 children. (my youngest brother is 14 and for the first time ever my mom only has one student) We can all read, write, add, subtract, multiply, and divide. We can locate countries on a map…as well as use a map to figure out how to get where we are going. We can share delightful tidbits of information on many historical topics. Oh, and thanks to my Dad’s influence, we will never forget the Pythagorean equation. We have jobs, families, and function well in society. (there goes that “homeschoolers aren’t socialized” argument. ha!) We each have a strong faith and an even stronger bond to each other.
Now, I’m not sharing this to brag. The thing is, my parents are not perfect. Our life and education was not perfect. My Mom, in particular, has struggled often with feeling like she was failing as a homeschooling mom, that there were gaps in our education. From my perspective as a second generation homeschooler, I admit there may be some information that my siblings and I missed along the way. However, we learned how to learn. How to follow our interests and find answers to our questions. Personal Opinion? Learning how to learn is more important than what you learn.
So that is my history in a nutshell.
I’ve been asked before about what I missed out on as a homeschooler. As a young teenager, there was a time when I wanted to attend public school. (Mostly because I had an older cousin who was so cool.) I have to tell you though, there was also a time when I was ready to pack my bags, leave my family and move to Soviet Russia to be a ballerina. I also wanted to change my name to Cassandra at one point because “it is a much prettier name than Heidi.” None of these wishes were based in reality, only passing fantasy and I am no worse off because my parents refused to give in to my notions. Perhaps I am even better off.
And what about that whole rite of passage that is public high school complete with clubs and proms and the like? Allow me to answer by giving you a glimpse into what high school was like for me…

• I worked with a team of fellow homeschoolers teaching character education in a local (public) elementary school. We adapted curriculum, wrote & preformed skits, made two short films, designed & created costumes & props, tutored…we had as much fun as any club.
• I worked with a catering company. They liked hiring homeschoolers because our hours were more flexible. It was work but it was also fun. It was also part of how I met my husband.
• I played in the Tampa Bay Youth Orchestras for several years and enjoyed every minute of it! Musically, I have never found anything that compares with being on stage with a hundred other musicians creating something almost electrifying in its magnitude.
• I’ve always had a bit of a theater bug and after being on stage with orchestra I had the fever something fierce. The problem was finding an outlet for that– an acting group that would accept a teenager with little experience and that only preformed family friendly fare. What does a homeschooler do when they can’t find something that meets their needs? They create it! And so I did. I researched, I planned, I rounded up some friends and started my own Drama Club. Eventually, a friend and I wrote & directed 2 Christmas plays for our church.
• My sister and I started a cake decorating business. It started as a hobby that I was interested in, then we both took the Wilton classes. We made wedding cakes, graduation cakes, birthday cakes…we learned how to keep records, figure cost, and set prices.
• I helped my grandfather with the care and training of his horses and competed in a horse show.
• We (2 of my sisters and myself) had the awesome opportunity to spend two summers working with a photographer near Atlanta. We did everything from scheduling appointments to arranging backdrops & props to mounting negatives to assisting during sessions.
• Around the time that “everyone” was going to prom and having a”great time” we planned our own special event. My sister, a good friend and I had our hair fixed up nice and spent the day at Cypress Gardens dressed as Southern Belles. Our mothers and siblings played paparazzi and we did our senior pictures there.
• A lot of people ask about graduation and, to be honest, when it came time to graduate a ceremony was important to me. Nowadays the FPEA offers a statewide graduation ceremony each year as part of their annual convention in Orlando but it wasn’t an option then. I had several friends that were finishing school that same year, after getting approval from our parents and pastor (it was a church event) we organized and planned our own ceremony. We included elements that were important to us. For example: a speech from a graduate thanking our parents, followed by presenting our parents with a rose; the presentation of diplomas was done by the family of the graduate and each father & mother spoke a blessing over their child. The only detail that was not decided by the graduates was the color of our caps and gowns. We were at an impasse, so the parents stepped in and decided. In order to be impartial, the parents chose to refuse all the color options that had already been discussed and go with something completely different…they chose teal. I’ve almost gotten over my bitterness about graduating in such an undignified color.

I didn’t realize how busy my high school years were…and that is without considering that actual bookwork! Now that you know what I did, here is what I missed:

• School lunches – my husband avoids tater tots to this day. Enough said.
• Early mornings – I come from a family of night owls, so we especially enjoyed the benefit of starting our day when it worked best for us instead of heading out the door at 0:dark-thirty.
• Stereotypical social groups – I was never called a nerd, jock, band geek, teacher’s pet, etc. I was never labeled based on where I lived, how I dressed, or what my hobbies were. I am particularly grateful that I missed out on this part of public high school. I know myself, I know who I was then. There is not doubt in my mind which group I would have been relegated to and the negative effect it would have had on me for the rest of my life.
• Learning at the same speed as everyone else. I have a friend that graduated at 16…he was smart and motivated and because he was homeschooled, he was able to move at his own pace.
• Prom – ok, yes, I missed out on prom. There was a time in my life when that fact bothered me. Then I grew up. Two of my sisters had the opportunity to go to prom with friends and they were, shall we say, a little let down after all the hype.

This is my experience. Just as everyone who goes to public school comes out with a different viewpoint (some see high school as the pinnacle of their life and for others it was like sitting on death row for 4 years) so all homeschoolers have a different experience. The beauty of home education is that the parent and student can have greater control over the negative aspects and make room for more time for the positive aspects. Talk to your child, tell them about your high school experience, listen to their concerns and interests. Then you will be well prepared to form a plan that will maximize your child’s strengths and give them the high school experience they desire. Then breathe deeply. No education is perfect. It will all turn out ok.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: Pointing the finger at potentially harmful homeschool attitudes

Pride goes before destruction,

a haughty spirit before a fall

When I was first introduced to the idea of homeschooling,
 I was hesitant.

When my oldest was still pre-school age, it had been my observation, of a very small sample size, that homeschoolers tended to be a little left of center socially.  While this is not a completely bad thing (we want them to be in the world but not of the world) we also want them to be relevant and credible for ministry. 

I remember telling my husband before attending my first homeschool convention (around 2005) that if everyone looked weird (picture the VonTrapp family children all in a line with matching curtain clothing) that I would not be homeschooling.  I remember observing people very closely as I maneuvered through the crowded convention halls thinking to myself  'They look normal.  They look normal.  They look normal.  Okay, they look a little weird, probably nice, but weird.  They look normal.'

It's not like in the 80's.  We don't have to hide inside our house, fearful of a truancy report.

Besides, there are weird kids in public school.  Remember that kid in science class?

Even since 2005, the opportunities for homeschool families to participate in cooperative classes, extra curricular sports, museum programs, park and library classes, on-line classes, dual enrollment and the like have exploded.

All of these options allow us to participate in all the best homeschooling and traditional schooling has to offer. 

I remember a few years back overhearing a conversation between two moms at our kid's club soccer practice, one of which was a public school teacher.

PS teacher mom said something to the effect of  "Yeah, the school year's starting out great.  But these homeschooled kids, I feel so bad for them.  They're so sheltered and not allowed to be a normal kid.  I can pick a homeschooled kid out a mile away."  And they continue their conversation about their kid's schools.

I just kind of smirked to myself and kept reading my book.  A little while later, PS mom decided to try and include me in the conversation.  She looked at me and said,
"Hi, what school do your kids go to?"

I said, "Well actually, my kids are homeschooled."

You should have seen her face, knowing that I would have overheard their conversation.

So, she recovered herself, and said "Oh, really, which is your kid?"

And oh yes I did.

I said, "What?  Can you not tell?"

In the past several years, as the homeschooling population has increased and diversified, I have become less concerned with the socialization issue and become much more concerned with the other issues discussed in this post.

More disturbing to me was an air of self-righteousness among some
in the homeschooling community.
An unforgiving sense that homeschool families were setting the example of how Christian families 'ought' to be honoring God with their parenting style and schooling choice.

I found this to be haughty, projecting an air of superiority and, quite frankly, being a source of divisiveness among the

family of God.

Sadly, I find no shortage of this message in *some* homeschool magazines
 (Home Educating Family a notable exception)
And it is a common message of some
homeschool convention speakers

Some of the most God fearing, bible studying, life living radical Christians I know are recent
public high school graduates.

In fact, there are cars lined up every week of the summer months in front of my house

 (with my complete blessing)

These cars belong to college kids, home for the summer, choosing to do a bible study they conduct themselves across the street.

Francis Chan, David Platt stuff.

I know 2 college age missionaries to China.

One homeschooled, the other public schooled
(although homeschooled a few years in the middle)

I choose to homeschool my kids because I choose to fight certain battles a certain way.

My close friend has chosen for her kids to be public schooled
 (although they also homeschooled for a time in the middle too)
because that family has chosen to fight certain battles another way.

Her sons are who my oldest son looks up to as example of our homeschool 'motto verse'

1st Timothy 4:12  Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers, in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Those that claim Christ as their savior become
a family of 'we' NOT 'us' and 'them'

School choice should never divide the family of God.

Additionally, I have several teacher friends who bring Jesus with them into the classroom.
While it's true that there are restrictions, my friends are creative.
One walks her classroom,
 touching each desk and praying for each child by name before they arrive in the morning.
Jesus is still mentioned in valedictory speeches.
Fellowship of Christian Athletes still hold meetings.
When challenged with the question about the possibility of their kids attending public school, some homeschooling parents have fear behind their eyes as they boldly articulate their substantial reasons for schooling at home.

Be careful what this communicates about our Savior.


If he was able to sustain Daniel in his exile to Babylon, He can certainly be trusted with our children in an American public school.

We have not been given a spirit of timidity or fear.  We, like Joshua, are to be strong and courageous for the Lord our God will be with us where ever we go.


There are wonderful reasons why some families would choose to homeschool.
Fear should not be one of them.

Because we have had over 20 years of homeschooling to look back on, and because hindsight is indeed 20/20, there is another unintended consequence reflected in a portion of homeschool graduates. 
(certainly not all)
 

Be on guard that our kids do not leave our immediate influence without their faith being tested and with the notion that head knowledge only is sufficient for living a life honoring to God.

Listen, I get it.  I'm a mom who desperately loves her children. 

I would be affected on a range of sad to devastated if something happened to my kids whether it be simple unfairness, bullying, being exposed to violence, vulgar language too young
or graphic pornographic images at any age,

or heaven forbid, physical or sexual abuse.

Now, hear me, and try to be objective.  The  incidences of the most horrific of these situations is 

statistically small.

Admittedly higher than they used to be, but still small.

In fact, the number of children who die each year by drowning (3.0%) , gun accidents (0.7%), fire related (2.7%),  force of nature (1.8%),  etc are far less than kids who die in car accidents (37.5%).

And we still drive them around.

Here's a link to the top 5 leading causes of death among children: 

http://www.alivepast5.com/child-death-statistics.html

In fact, these statistics show that the top five causes of  death in children are situations that are more likely to occur when kids are with their parents.

  So really, statistically, they're more in danger at home than when they're in school.

But there are social dangers as well.

Bullying is a problem.  But not knowing how to be bullied well is also a problem.

Paul was bullied.  The 12 were harassed.
Chinese Christians, among others, experts at being bullied.
Prisoners in Auschwitz were bullied.
Chick-Fil-A is currently being bullied by someone who participated in creating the anti-bully campaign.

The recent movement to curtail bullying, while argueably well intentioned by some, is contributing to
a victim mind set.
No one has control over another person to change them. 
We can influence them, sometimes.  We can hold them accountable.
We can use those in authority to impose consequences.
However, we can not control them or force them to change.

Handling a bully is a skill.  Richard Wurmbrand is, in my mind, the ultimate example.

Humor, sarcasm, deflection are all useful tools to disarm a bully.

But bullies target insecure kids.  Therein lies a one solution over which we as parents have considerable influence.
Teach them, train them, coach them.  But don't hide them.

While I do not like it, I encourage my oldest to be among other kids his age (in small doses at first) who use vulgar language, coarse jesting and some disrespectful, snarky attitudes and obnoxious behavior.

In my life I have gone to college, worked retail, been in a corporate environment and gone to Wal-Mart
a thousand times.
I have heard vulgar language, coarse jesting, disrespectful, snarky attitudes and seen obnoxious behavior
in all of these environments.

He (my son) has to develop the skills necessary to tolerate such language and behavior.
He will be hindered as an adult if he is too self-righteously sensitive to the sins of other people.
He will be ill equipped if he does not have the intestinal fortitude to tolerate this behavior,
and even in the face of it,
 extend grace.

Biblical correction and rebuke are for those within the family of God.
Those outside the family need a Savior before they receive the conviction of sin and the enabling to turn.
How will they know if we raise the next generation sheltered, ill-equipped and too judgmental to go near.

It has been my personal experience that some homeschoolers graduate with academic and social maturity in as much as it relates to older adults who are modifying their behavior to accommodate
the tenderness of  the young person.
But paradoxically, some of these same people graduate with a marked immaturity in relating to others their age not on the approved, similarly sheltered list.

It's ultimately a well motivated disservice. 
It limits their choices and potential to impact in the world.

A primary objective of parents is to prepare their kids to launch well and equipped.  Head knowledge is not sufficient to protect them, equip them or prepare them for life.  They must have experiential knowledge.  Practice.  A personal, emotional bank with a balance reflecting deposits of failures, mistakes, successes, choices and consequences and yes, even bad people.

They also need to establish their own circle of wisdom.
Wise people who keep confidences, give wise counsel and correction.

Without this account from which to make withdrawals, kids are far more likely to

A)  bust out of your house and go bananas

or

B)  fail to branch out as a result of fear and insecurity
or
C)  launch, but fail to reach their full potential

Our kids have a 0.7% chance of dying by gun shot wound

but

100% chance of being ill equipped for life if they are over-sheltered.



Besides, it tends to make them little Pharisees.  That's obnoxious, off putting and by definition not winsome to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I'm not suggesting our little ones or unprepared/immature tweeners get exposed before they are ready.  The early years are for laying the character foundations of honesty, integrity, perseverance, self-control, discernment, courage, loyalty, mercy, trust, wisdom and patience.

That's any parent's job with the little bitties.

But by the tweeners, these foundations need to be checked for cracks, while they are still at home and before they launch.

The only way to test a foundation is to subject it to weight.

If you've been a good mentor and your kids humble students in their younger years,
 they may stumble, you may have to fill some cracks, but more often than not they will stand.

If the foundation is inadequate or faulty, rip it up and begin again.  Quickly. 

The count down to launch keeps tickin'.

Caveat:  Please don't overwhelm kids who's character is underdeveloped by hoisting upon them responsibilities for which they are not prepared for just because they hit their 12th birthday

 (or whatever age other kids are XYZing.)

If junior has a responsibility problem, we should not be giving  him a cell phone
. (except in rare cases when additional responsibility will actually result in a child stepping up to the plate)

He's proven he can't be trusted.  We jeopardize our credibility when we knowingly grant him freedoms and privileges his character can't handle, then nag and whine and rant and threaten and yell when the bill comes in.  Although junior would never articulate this, he knew he couldn't be trusted when you gave we the phone.  But we gave him the responsibility  anyway.  Now, we look out of control ranting about the result everyone could have reasonably anticipated.  As a bonus, our ranting, although it may serve to purge our emotional build up, undermines our kid's confidence and hardens their heart to correction.

Follow the biblical principle, those that can be trusted with a little can be trusted in much.
Then tell 'not quite mature Junior' that you will help him work to be more trustworthy and responsible. Confess any negligence on your part in cultivating this character attribute in him.
Tell him you're on his side, that you believe in him, and will be excited when the day comes when you can all celebrate that he can handle the responsibility of the phone.

Just because all of Junior's 12 year old friends have a smart phone has nothing to do with Junior.
My neighbor might drive a Maserati.  What does that have to do with me?
It's a lesson that needs to be learned before they trash their credit rating 'keeping up with the Joneses' and expecting you to rant, then bail them out.

Conversely, it is also damaging to not cooperate with the maturation process of a child.
A child who has proven character needs your vote of confidence with additional responsibility.
Don't allow fear to get in the way.


And one further note:  My Heavenly Father values suffering. 
James told us to consider it all joy...because God is cultivating something in us.
 (paraphrase of James 1:2 and following mine)

God values suffering as an instrument that demonstrates His superiority over sin.
He's active in Romans 8:28 working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Suffering is frequently the mechanism that plugs head knowledge into heart knowledge.
It cultivates our character.  Our passions.  Our compassion.
Our humility.

Our kids will suffer.  God chastens those He loves. 
It's one of the evidences we are His children.

One of the most important things we can teach our children is how to suffer well.
How to stand in times of opposition, oppression and persecution.
We need to practice forgiveness and excavating bitter seeds before they take root.
Over protected children are denied opportunities to grow and to understand the gospel
 in an experiential way.

Here's a good example of the benefit of suffering a bad circumstance well.
http://michaelhyatt.com/the-value-of-working-for-a-bad-boss.html
Michael Hyatt: The value of working for a bad boss

People with head knowledge only, without experiential knowledge have a tendency to become Pharisaical.
The are haughty, judgemental and condemning.
May it never be with us.


Homeschooling is a wonderful opportunity to enjoy our children,  educated them, mentor them
and to cultivate a faith that endures and is God honoring.
But it's not the only way.
And it's not the perfect way.

Check yourself.

Jen

All comments and respectful dissenting opinions welcome and encouraged.

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Sharkproof Your School Year: 3 Strategies

SharkWeek's a'comin and images like these pop up on my TV screen with increasing regularity.

The intent of these images are to entice me to tune in to the 25th anniversary celebration of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel kicking off August 12, and watch "Night after Night.  Bite After Bite."

I actually had to go to the website to look up that information because, unfortunately for Discovery, once I see this image, my brain is focused on the new school year and everything that threatens to take big, bleeding chunk out of my success.  "Night After Night.  Bite After Bite"

Every year I face the same frustrations, distractions and obstacles and each year I have to take the time to be proactive.  I get a little sloppy with my personal disciplines over the summer and forsake some of the strategies and practices that help me be an effective homeschool administrator, teacher and family manager.

As the scripture goes, before you build the city

you have to count the costs.

#1:  Re-examine our commitment to Homeschooling.  I'm more regularly asked now that my oldest will be going into his last year of middle school and my youngest entering Kindergarten/1st grade (I haven't decided), "How long will you Homeschool?"  Invariably, my answer is "I don't know."  And I don't.  We enjoy homeschooling and I believe that by some very objective and subjective measures we have been quite successful.  But our circumstances are subject to change year by year and each of our children's needs are quite different.  Each year it's imperative that I thoroughly and honestly examine my heart and check my motives and seek God's will and blessing for our family.  I need to explore the needs of each one of my children and have the courage to examine all the options available for meeting those needs.  I choose to have an impartial judge who lives outside my daily life and "village" who can look at our circumstances and give me hard feedback and help me to process the practical implications of whatever realities we uncover.   I need to meet with my husband and have him reaffirm to me his commitment to lead a homeschooling family and to define and agree with me on what 'his support' looks like.  Literally, we talk financial and emotional support, practical support in the form of teaching certain subjects or topics, assisting in certain extra-curricular activities and concessions on things like household chores.  (I'm only one person!)  Once he and I are in agreement, and we have done due diligence to chart out and define expectations, we have laid a firm foundation on which our successful school year may be built.

#2 Get out a Calendar:  Hear me now.  I'm am not a naturally organized person!  This has been a challenge and a hard won victory.   I (now) try to live by a calendar.  I am a natural visionary (by personality type) and I love visions and purpose and big picture stuff.  But the devil is in the details.  To pull off a life that is consistent with my priorities and vision, it is a discipline I have had to cultivate.  Some moms are great at scheduling on the micro level.  But what I'm talking about here is the macro level. The very first thing in my calendar is a weekly date with my husband and it gets done whether I have 'time' or not and whether I feel like it or not.  After that, I schedule 2 other events.  One is some alone, by myself, devotional time with God.  There are conditions placed on this time.  One, it has to be out of the house so that I'm not distracted by other things I 'should' be doing.  Two, it is totally separate from any study I'm in or teaching or apart from my daily devotional time.  It's like my date night with God. Three, it is not about homeschooling.  It's just time to sit quietly with my bible, pray and see what He has to say to me.  The second of these others is a little more flexible, but I try to do it more often than not.  I try to schedule some girl time.  This may or may not be as important to you with the same frequency.  I'm a hard-core extrovert and too much time at home or with my family, as much as I love them, is not in my own best interest (or their's).  This time with girlfriends addresses this need in me and fuels me for the work I do at home.  It's like gasoline. If I don't replenish the tank, I will spit and sputter through the week.  You may also want (as I do) to schedule your weekly bible studies and service time.

The order in which I listed these calendar commitments is not based on how they should biblical be ordered (i.e. God first, husband 2nd).  It is based on my personal struggle.  Whatever is most challenging for you to justify and the item you find most consistently gets put on the back burner should be the first item scheduled.  For me, I struggle with spending money on date night far more than I struggle to make time to spend with God.  I don't feel the need to have as many date nights to feel connected to my husband.  He does.  So, I schedule date night first. 

Moms, you know this is true, we have a tendency to schedule ourselves last and then pray that God will give us the energy to keep going.  We have been given a stewardship over our own lives, i.e. time, talent and treasure.  We need to be very intentional about how we allocate our resources and how they fall in line with our priorities.  It is not selfish.  It is responsible.  Intentional.  Accountable.

After the weekly items, I must carefully measure the kid's activities.  Too few and they may not be well balanced (depending on the age)  Too many, and you're modeling and teaching slavery.  Is organized sports important to or beneficial for your 5 year old?  Does your 12 year old need to play every sport he's interested in while the younger kids get carted around to ALL his activities?  Is fast food 4 nights a week in your family's best interest?  Once the school year gets in full swing, will Thanksgiving be the first time you eat together around the table?  Is that okay with you?  I have another post scheduled on this topic for a later date. But for now, please consider scheduling family time, free time, unstructured recreation time, and time to cultivate the art of being bored. It is a dying art, and a lack of experience with it fuels entitlement.

Once these items are on the calendar, all new requests can be evaluated on a case by case basis and subordinated (or occassionally, not)  to these prior commitments.  It really should help draw some lines on when to say "Yes" and when to say "No."  Although I'm not suggesting you make the calendar a taskmaster and you it's slave, it should streamline decision making, insulate against the frustration of overcommitment and the resulting feelings of frustration, inadequacy and guilt. 

 Here's the visual by the late Steven Covey. http://www.appleseeds.org/Big-Rocks_Covey.htm

Just lay out your calendar reflecting your priorities for how to fill the jar.  Evaluate yourself regularly to ensure you're living accordingly.

#3  The phone and social media:  Your job as a homeschool mom/family manager is your current career.  If you were VP of a large corporate marketing firm, your mom or your neighbor or your best friend would not feel free to just give you a little ring on the phone at 9:15 am to chat.  And if they did, you'd have to find the courage to tell them, "I can't talk now.  It's not respectable corporate behavior."  Well, you're your own boss now.  Suck it up buttercup and change the message on your answering machine.    During school time (however you define it) you should be fully present with your students as though you were being paid to do a job.  Here's what your friend should hear on the answering machine, "Hi.  You've reached (whatever your school name is) (blank) Academy of Character, Academic and Talent Development.  Currently classes are in session.  If this is a true emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1.  Otherwise, please leave a message or call back between the hours of 3:15 and 5:15 (after all, you may be making and enjoying dinner with family.)  If this upsets them, arrange with them to get on the calendar (see #2 above) that way they will have their own time slot with you where you don't take phone calls from home.  Everyone gets their own undivided time with your full, respectful attention.  If they still don't like it, allow them the freedom to be disappointed that they don't get to decide your priorities for you.  Give yourself the freedom to be disappointed that they are disappointed and struggling to respect your position as a family manager who has prayerfully considered her priorities with God and husband.  (See #1 above and remind yourself of your priorities.)   And you really don't have to change your phone message and set official school hours.  Just know it's not mean or wrong to command respect for the job you're doing and to set limits on interruptions.

As for social media, you may have to go commando.  Discipline.  Accountibility.  It's a great tool.  Just don't let the tail wag the dog.

There are far more tactics in the devil's handbag and in our own inadequacies to cause our school year to jump the tracks and these are but a few strategies.

I've heard that if you punch a shark squarely on the snout with great target and force, he will turn and leave you.  I hope this helps you ball up your fist and take aim.