Fashion of a strong willed child

This is my middle child.  She's a melancholy personality (from her dad) with a generous side of choleric (from me).  If you don't speak this language, a good translation would be that she's endowed by God with a strong desire for order, she has a well defined point of view that she thinks is better than anyone else's and she willing to die on a hill for most of her ideas.  Or she will kill you if you get in the way.  Whichever, someone's gonna die.  In simpler terms, she's strong-willed.  And she thinks this looks good.

The problem with this ensemble is not the pajama pants or mixed prints or that it's 90 degrees outside.  Those are all battles and my personal policy is that she must win every battle possible.  She's hardwired to have a greater than average need to control (the good kind).  She must have an outlet to assert her ideas, exercise her independence, to disagree in a respectful manner.  Her personality needs it almost like her body needs food.  If her needs go unmet, she will fight. It's hardwired and wonderful.   Isn't that what most parents find challenging about strong willed children is the 'fight'.  It's really simple, don't fight battles.  Let them win.  Tiara to church?  Fine.  In fact, you look great.  You want to sleep upside down in your bed?  How clever you are.  I never thought of that.  You want to take a shower instead of a bath?  Fabulous.  In fact, I see now that you like to make decisions for yourself.  Would you like to use pen or pencil to do your schoolwork?  Spoon or fork?  Brush or comb?  Tennis shoes or flip flops?  Peas on the left or right side of your chicken? 
Who cares?  Create opportunities for strong willed kids to have a vote on what you don't care about so that you will have 15 "that's a great choice" comments in the bag when you have to whip out an "I'm sorry honey, that's not gonna work."  And you do need to whip that out with authority and without negotiation when it is important.  The battles are her's, but the war needs to be the mine.  Otherwise, the teen years will be especially unpleasant.  Not to mention the rest of her life.

Publishing a list of family values, beliefs and non-negotiables is the greatest way to deal with stong willed children (and grown people, for that matter).  When it's time for conflict, it's just simply a matter of asking the whether or not the behavior or attitude in question is in line with the published, previously agreed to set of criteria.   For example, the only objection I allow myself to have about the outfit above is that there is a triangular shaped opening which exposes her tummy.  Because I have previously published the modesty standards for our family, I just simply need to ask "is showing your tummy in agreement with the standard or not?"  It's not negotiable.  It's not a matter of opinion.  She's allowed to have all kinds of opinions as to color, texture, print, season, etc., but she's not permitted to deviate from our standards of modest dress.  Guess what?  No argument.  And here's the important part:  it's her problem to solve.  She has the freedom to solve that triangle problem any way her heart desires.  She can change tops,  Put another shirt on underneath it.  Whip out her sewing machine and fashion a triangle fabric solution.  And I will be sure to praise her creativity and affirm her excellent problem solving skills.  And she will think I'm a great mom for appreciating her sense of style.  It's a win/win.