Homeschooling in High Heels: August 2012

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Born to think that way. Don't fight it. Work with it.

In what way does your child gather information?

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A Concrete thinker usually relies heavily on his 5 senses to collect data. They don't try to read between the lines, they don't try to theorize or imagine. It's like Colombo, "just the facts ma'am, just the facts." They live in the here and now, and value what is real and tangible and verifiable. They will tend to actually reference the user manual to the new calculator, because it makes more sense than trying to 'figure it out.' The above pantry would be a no brainer for a concrete, although they might question if the cuteness of the labels was really necessary-just plain would be ok.

An Abstract thinker loves to visualize, entertain ideas, imagine possibilities, intuit hidden meanings. They rely more heavily on intuition, intellect and imagination as opposed to the 5 senses. They will look beyond the obvious to discover implications and possibilities. An abstract might look at the above pantry and immediately notice how cute the lime green is and wonder if the containers might come in other colors. And, oh my gosh, the labels are so cute. Do they only come in lime? How cute would paisley be? In eggplant? I wonder if HomeGoods would have something I could use? The vision of the pantry serves as inspiration for the Abstract thinker and launches them into imaginings.

How does your child 'order' or process the information they gather?

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The next thing to consider once you determine the way they gather information, is to determine what their brain does with that information. ORDERING is the way we use the information we perceive and each person will tend to order the info SEQUENTIALLY or RANDOMLY.

SEQUENTIAL: This kind of brain will take the information 'input' and process it in a linear, logical, step by step manner. Sequential kids like to have a plan and like to follow it. They will regularly want to know 'what comes next' or 'what are we doing after this?' or will remind you 'you said we were going to do ....." They might take one look at the above pantry and immediately wonder if the containers were arranged in some obvious order, like alphabetical. What is the method of arranging the containers? According to content? Color, type, expiration date?

RANDOM: This kind of brain will take the information, see it as chunks and will store it in no particular sequence. The brain will skip around, in no particular order, piecing these chunks together in a way that produces a desired result. These types of kids my seem to be more go with the flow, spontaneous or even impulsive. They just want to get 'it' done, they don't care about the steps to get there. If a random thinker sees this pantry, he might immediately think how funny it might be to re-arrange all the expertly lined up containers and watch a sequential freak out at the sight.

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According to the Gregorc Learning Style Model

there are 4 different possible combinations.

Concrete/Sequential

Concrete/Random

Abstract/Sequential

Abstract/Random

Figuring out how your kid's brain works will help you to choose curriculum and administer a program of education that has the best chance of success. Additionally, it's quite a useful life skill. Most people tend to talk to and relate to others in a manner that is most comfortable to themselves. But, what if we are able to learn to speak to someone else in 'their language' and not just our own. It will help others to feel more understood and more loved. Yep. It's worth the time and effort.

1/ Concrete Sequential (CS): You'll recognize these folks, they like routine. They prefer a neat and orderly environment like the pantry picture above. (If they're kids, they may not have a clean room because they haven't developed the discipline of cleaning. But they will suffer more agitation from a disorderly environment, even if they don't know how to fix it) Before attempting a task, they will want very clear directions and to understand expectations so they can avoid the disappointment resulting from ambiguity. They may be very practical, choose the most efficient way of doing something and work well with time limits. They prefer routines, having a schedule and they pay close attention to detail. Because of these tendencies, they may find it frustrating to work in a group where they are challenged with differing personalities. As a teacher, it's helpful to know that CS kids will not enjoy discussions with no right or wrong answer or no specific point, working with abstract ideas, or in a cluttered environment. They will prefer book reports to creative writing assignments as they like tangible and verifiable facts as opposed to the 'frivolity' of creative imagination. Certainly these are skills that need to be developed and not everything needs to be catered to their learning style. However, when you are first introducing a skill (like writing) it is beneficial to cater the skill to their strengths until mastery comes, then stretch them outside their comfort zone. For example, it can be overwhelming to a CS to have to do creative writing as a first writing assignment. The learning of the writing, the handwriting AND having to use imagination and be creative can blow their brain, resulting in a contempt of writing all together. Instead, start them on fact based writing assignments until they become proficient, then maybe ease them into creative writing by giving them a topic, or a starting sentence or paragraph (google 'story starters' for examples or books to buy)

As a matter of practice, try to have their assignments printed out for them at the beginning of the day. If you want to add a teaspoon of love, make little check boxes they can mark upon completion, or stickers, they'll love that. For middle elementary kids on up, you'll get a lot of mileage out of teaching them to use a calendar and keeping them up to date at a weekly family meeting of what will be coming the following week. Truly, you can head off a lot of frustration before it even has a chance to hatch. Get in the habit of asking your CS kid questions like 'are these directions clear' or 'do you feel you have all the information you need to complete this assignment' or 'do you understand what is expected of you?' or 'what do you need from me to help you be successful in this assignment or task?' They don't like surprises.

CSers can be a little frustrating as they will tend to point out potential caveats. It can be perceived, especially by their opposites (AR) as being negative, or a downer. I'm a Abstract/Random married to a Concrete Sequential. I come up with big ideas that I'm excited about. He points out where my idea has flaws. He's usually right. But it still feels like I'm trying to fly and he is standing on my cape. This has caused a fair amount of conflict and hurt feelings. As we have grown in our ability to accept one another and value loving one another in our 'differentness', he's adopted phrases like "I can see you're really excited about this idea", and THEN pokes holes in my plan. I have learned to hear him as a constructive critic and not as someone trying to be a discouragement. In other words, we are learning to work with each other's personalities, not judge them as not as evolved as our own.

Here's a few more things that will help you understand CSers:
*They are no-nonsense communicators. When they do this, they are not being rude. In the same way they don't value cute pantry labels, they don't value flowery language. They are efficient and direct. It's not personal. And they will roll their eyes and metaphorically bang their head on the wall if you use too many words with them. Cut to the chase. Get to the point. If you don't, your CS kids will develop the habit of tuning you out.
*When trying to motivate your CS, use logic not emotion. Don't wail and beg and plead and whip out the tears and what not. If this....then this.... Pretend you're Spock's mom. Don't be illogical. It doesn't compute.
*They love lists. They really love lists they make. So you can really get mileage out of giving them lists with check-boxes. But if you work with them to make the list, you're really a rock star mom. See, here's the kicker. They hate to contradict themselves. If you make the list and they don't do it, they can accuse you of making an illogical list. If they help make the list and agree to it, they will die trying to complete the list rather than admit they were less than exemplary. Come on now. This is parenting at a whole 'notha level.
*They would rather duplicate than innovate. They want a pattern to follow. They want someone to go first and show them the way. They may avoid a task or assignment that has unclear expectations. Again, it's not a bad attitude. It involves too much risk for them.
*They are most brilliant when they fine tune someone else's idea.

The Upsides:
*You should put them in charge of packing the family car for vacation. As they get older, they will think of every contingency and prepare for it. They'll make packing lists, have two routes mapped out 'just in case.' They make great family calendar managers, meal planners, shopping list makers and pantry re-organizers. Of course you'll need to train and coach them. But these kinds of tasks are where your CS kids will excel and tasks they will enjoy. They will get a great sense of accomplishment in serving their family in these areas. Don't ask them to create homemade wrapping paper or hand them a blank piece of paper to make a homemade birthday card. Guaranteed they'll take a black sharpie, write 'happy birthday' then run away and go play with their calculator. They're not having a bad attitude-they are making the same practical card they'd want to receive.

The Downsides:
*Sometimes, they come off as self righteous and obnoxious. They are compelled to point out what seems to them as obvious oversight or error. They view it as a service.
*They can come off as legalistic and intolerant of 'stupid human error'. They'll leave you a note to let you know just what you did wrong. Do not take it personally. It has more to do with their need for order than your 'error. ' Let it roll off your back. Put on red lipstick, kiss the note and leave a reply, "thanks for being patient with your imperfect Momma, dear CS child."
*Others may perceive CSers as being to perfectionistic. They may feel that things or processes are more important than people. They may appear to be too narrowly focused, impatient or lack flexibility.

Love your CS by:
*keeping an organized environment (at least their's)
*having a routine
*being consistent and predictable
*saying EXACTLY what you mean, and mean what you say and be short and sweet and clear when you say it.
* using tangible rewards. Words are good. Money they can count is better, more practical.
*giving advanced notice and allowing them to mentally prepare. Spontaneity can throw them off balance and make them feel out of control. (Not that you can NEVER be spontaneous-just don't get hurt if they don't appreciate it as much as you'd like)

Don't
*over schedule-it results in perceive chaos for the CS
*be vague or give unclear direction
*fail to provide an example and check for understanding

Schooling your CS:
*As a rule, your CS may display more of a natural aptitude with maths and sciences. Reading may be more challenging as the rules (especially for English) are broken with great frequency which can be very frustrating for a CS. Patience and empathy are in order. Don't react to their protests "this is stupid!" Just calmly refocus them to the task, or take a break and attack again.
*Biographies as opposed to flowering books with excessive dialog will be preferred by a CS. They may prefer reference material.
*If you do narration exercises, you may find that your CS kid's assessment of a passage is much different. Short, to the point, just the facts. If you ask him about sensory stuff, like how the protagonist felt, you may get one word answers that go up in inflection at the end, as though their answer were a question. "Sad?" They're not holding out on you or not taking the assignment seriously, they just don't think about that stuff when you're reading. They're more worried about the sequence of events, inconsistencies and accuracy of the information. Don't compare him to the highly imaginative child who could spin off fabulous alternative endings to a story. CS kids don't think like that.
*Curriculum that is routine and predictable may be a best fit for a CS student. Saxon products. Apologia for Science.
*I'm not a big fan of fill in the blank type of worksheets as a rule, but a CS kid will be more comfortable with this approach than other learning styles. School in a box or online school will be more easily tolerated by a CS. (FYI: an AR would rather gouge their own eyes out-just saying)
*On the upside, a CS is quite comfortable getting their list of assignments and working alone. It's important to help your child learn to work in a group co-cooperatively, but understand it takes alot more mental calories and they may become frustrated and unpleasant with extended periods of co-operative interaction. Give them a break before they resent the whole co-operative process and reject it all together.
*As your student gets older, they may prefer their assignments weekly with the latitude to schedule themselves daily with end of the week accountability.

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Future posts planned on the 3 other styles:
2/ Abstract Sequential (AS)
3/ Abstract Random (AR)
4/ Concrete Random (CR)

I hope this helps you teach well and love well.

Jen

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Guest Post Tampa Bay HEAT Homeschool 101, Melissa Hale, Spouseisms

you might should."

My friend, Janice, said this to another friend, Rachel, who was considering homeschooling. We were standing in the middle of the Florida Parent Educator's Association (FPEA) Convention. I had encouraged Rachel to come check it out to see the many options available to us modern-day homeschoolers. We were bee-boppin' all around and I was showing her all the great tools out there and introducing her to all my people!

There was a slight problem: I'm pretty sure I was dangling on the proverbial edge of my annual Convention-induced meltdown. Seriously. I do this every year. Still!

(I'll get back to the meltdown in a minute.)

I blame this meltdown on our public school experience. I do. I don't mean my personal public school experience, I mean that of my girls. Every teacher we had was wonderful and, I believe, genuinely loved my girls. The school was in a small community with a lot of teachers and students we know personally. Before my oldest daughter's kindergarten teacher was assigned, I was on the PTA board. No joke. I got the position during the summer and I loved it. The sanguine in me was in my element. I volunteered at the school often and spent some time in the classroom with my girls. I could see first hand how great these teachers were. We had the best public school situation anyone could ask for.

Still, it wasn't home.

There had always been a part of me that thought I might should bring my girls home. It was always nagging at me that I could school them and I knew that our school situation wouldn't always be so grand.

So, I pulled them out. Out of the blue. You can read a little more about that here.

When my girls were in 2nd grade and Kindergarten, they came home for Christmas break and never went back. Our family knew it was the right thing for us to do; although, I'm pretty sure our friends thought we were nuts. We were all right!

I quickly mailed my Letter of Intent before I could change my mind. I cried when I talked to the principal and the teachers. They were so encouraging, really. I let them know that I may well be back there in the fall if I flunked as a homeschool parent. I showed up at one of the teacher's houses to tell her. What? That's not creepy! I cried on her lanai and she asked me to homeschool her boys. I love that woman. She's also the reason I have a meltdown every full moon and Convention.

I tell you all of this so that, hopefully, even without me serving you some chips and salsa, you will allow me to encourage you should you decide to make the transition from public school to homeschool.

You were the first teacher. -- This makes you the best teacher. Oh, how I play the game of "Finishing that education degree would have been the smart thing to do." I had Florida Prepaid College. I blew a great deal of it. My major is/was English Education. I've been a Senior at USF off and on since 1999. Guess what? I only need to be one day smarter than my girls. Sometimes only 5 minutes smarter. You can do this.

Capture their hearts the first year. -- As an educator at heart, this advice made my head hurt. People would say, "You can't count the whole first year." What? The whole first year? I can't blow off a whole year of learning! Not on my watch! Here's the deal: I didn't know how much authority I had given away until I tried to get it back. For real. I had spent so much time building up the teachers as "THE teachers", my oldest daughter didn't think I could teach her. At one low moment, she actually said to me, "Mom, you only know how to teach high schoolers." She was in the 2nd grade!! So, as much as you can, just love on them the first year. Play Yahtzee for math, or UNO. Get Banagrams. Read, read, read. Read aloud. Cook. Go to the park. Do the fun part of learning and just connect your hearts. Memorize passages of Scripture together. This will help minimize those 'low moments'.

Which brings me to...

The highs are high and the lows are low. -- Let's not pretend here. Homeschooling, like it's twin sister, Parenting, is not for sissies. The children are carnal creatures and they know what buttons to push and what buttons to dance around on for dramatic effect. They can smell weakness. They will test you. I don't tell you this to scare you, but to arm you! If you know that there are going to be some hellacious days, you will be less likely to quit when those days come! Only total spaztards like me quit every month.

Insecurity is the devil! -- We have to fight this one together! I have never been so insecure about anything as I am about educating my girls! I mean nothing! Not speaking in front of large audiences, not speaking on television, not cellulite. On the flip side, some of my friends are insecure about their choice to have their kids in public school. We have to encourage one another! That said, I have to remember the encouraging words I have said to others and apply them to myself! I know that a good deal of my insecurity comes from the fact that I saw with my own eyes how great my girls' teachers were. Had we had a negative experience, I would probably be thinking, "Well, at least I'm doing better than that!"

The Curriculum works for you, you don't work for the curriculum. -- Now, you are freaking out about curriculum right now, because you are just going to stock up on books and games and grease that bicycle chain, but LATER, when you are ready, remember that about curriculum. And, remind me of it every now and again, would ya? Picture this: It's May 15th and your Language Arts book still has 3 months of work left in it. How did this happen? What a loser mom! It's not the kids' fault, they are just kids! I am so DONE with schooling right now, no way can we skip Summer!? I should have had more of a schedule! I shouldn't have let him do drums AND soccer! How will he be president??? Here's what you do: CLOSE UP SHOP! Ask any of your teacher friends if they do every single lesson in their books. Do it. Ask 'em! They don't! And, you don't have to, either! My hands are on my hips and I am using my best 4th grade voice, "The curriculum is not the boss of me!" You have been given dominion over the curriculum, not the other way around. Be free!!

I really wish we could munch on some chips and salsa face to face. I would tell you that I love homeschooling... most days. That anything worth doing is hard. I would tell you about the days we couldn't even FIND our math book. I would tell you that I blame myself that my youngest doesn't spell as well as my oldest and the only difference is how long they went to public school. And, I hope you would tell me how ridiculous that is and that there are plenty of PS kids that aren't great spellers. I would tell you that my kids are not at all social retarded. They can hold their own with peers and adults alike. I would tell you that some of our best days have been doing reading and math out on the trampoline. Maddy's best poem was written there, too. I would tell you that many math assignments have been completed on I-4 on the way to Disney where we would practice our mapping skills and multiplication facts while standing in line. This is also a good way to work on lapsed time, i.e., "We got in line at 11:37am, it is now 12:10pm, how long have we been in line?"

Before we ended our chips and salsa chat, I would ask if I could pray for you. And, you would let me.

Jesus, Thank you for moms who follow your leadership into the unknown and tough places. Lord, please give these women peace in their decision to educate their children. These children are gifts, and I pray that we would be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance in what ways to teach our children academically each year. Help us, Lord, to have the courage to change paths when you tell us to. Help us to encourage one another to follow you with complete abandon. Thank you for homeschooling and the freedom to parent the way I see fit. Thank you, Lord, for being the perfect parent. Amen.

Melissa Hale

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to
complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

http://www.spouseisms.blogspot.com

Guest Post: Homeschooling for the Long Haul

My friend, Jen, over at Homeschooling in High Heels asked me for a post to encourage homeschooling parents that are facing the high school years. So here goes…
(disclaimer: this is not written from my experience as a homeschooling parent for the long haul, rather from my experiences as a homeschooled student from 1st through 12th grade. I understand that the task of homeschooling all the way through high school is a difficult one and I pray that God gives me the grace and strength to do so when the time comes. May He grant you the grace and strength to walk the path He has laid before you too.)
When I was at the tender age of 5 my parents were introduced to the idea of home education. I wish I could remember what their initial reaction was…I mean, as common as home education is today it was downright strange back then. I’m not sure how much time passed between hearing the idea and deciding to take the leap but leap they did. Right into the deep end of the pool. By faith alone. My sister was going into 3rd grade, I was ready for 1st and little sister was along for the ride. They faced rude and pessimistic comments from the private school we had been attending. Most family members were not antagonistic, rather, they were curiously doubtful, but I am sure they all thought my parents had lost it. Still, my parents persevered.
There were struggles. Teaching a child to read isn’t easy. Teaching math, science, history, and geography while simultaneously coaching good character and conflict resolution is exhausting. There was also the fear of some government authority knocking on your door and taking your children away.
Fast forward 25 years. My parents have graduated 6 out of 7 children. (my youngest brother is 14 and for the first time ever my mom only has one student) We can all read, write, add, subtract, multiply, and divide. We can locate countries on a map…as well as use a map to figure out how to get where we are going. We can share delightful tidbits of information on many historical topics. Oh, and thanks to my Dad’s influence, we will never forget the Pythagorean equation. We have jobs, families, and function well in society. (there goes that “homeschoolers aren’t socialized” argument. ha!) We each have a strong faith and an even stronger bond to each other.
Now, I’m not sharing this to brag. The thing is, my parents are not perfect. Our life and education was not perfect. My Mom, in particular, has struggled often with feeling like she was failing as a homeschooling mom, that there were gaps in our education. From my perspective as a second generation homeschooler, I admit there may be some information that my siblings and I missed along the way. However, we learned how to learn. How to follow our interests and find answers to our questions. Personal Opinion? Learning how to learn is more important than what you learn.
So that is my history in a nutshell.
I’ve been asked before about what I missed out on as a homeschooler. As a young teenager, there was a time when I wanted to attend public school. (Mostly because I had an older cousin who was so cool.) I have to tell you though, there was also a time when I was ready to pack my bags, leave my family and move to Soviet Russia to be a ballerina. I also wanted to change my name to Cassandra at one point because “it is a much prettier name than Heidi.” None of these wishes were based in reality, only passing fantasy and I am no worse off because my parents refused to give in to my notions. Perhaps I am even better off.
And what about that whole rite of passage that is public high school complete with clubs and proms and the like? Allow me to answer by giving you a glimpse into what high school was like for me…

I worked with a team of fellow homeschoolers teaching character education in a local (public) elementary school. We adapted curriculum, wrote & preformed skits, made two short films, designed & created costumes & props, tutored…we had as much fun as any club.
I worked with a catering company. They liked hiring homeschoolers because our hours were more flexible. It was work but it was also fun. It was also part of how I met my husband.
I played in the Tampa Bay Youth Orchestras for several years and enjoyed every minute of it! Musically, I have never found anything that compares with being on stage with a hundred other musicians creating something almost electrifying in its magnitude.
I’ve always had a bit of a theater bug and after being on stage with orchestra I had the fever something fierce. The problem was finding an outlet for that– an acting group that would accept a teenager with little experience and that only preformed family friendly fare. What does a homeschooler do when they can’t find something that meets their needs? They create it! And so I did. I researched, I planned, I rounded up some friends and started my own Drama Club. Eventually, a friend and I wrote & directed 2 Christmas plays for our church.
My sister and I started a cake decorating business. It started as a hobby that I was interested in, then we both took the Wilton classes. We made wedding cakes, graduation cakes, birthday cakes…we learned how to keep records, figure cost, and set prices.
I helped my grandfather with the care and training of his horses and competed in a horse show.
We (2 of my sisters and myself) had the awesome opportunity to spend two summers working with a photographer near Atlanta. We did everything from scheduling appointments to arranging backdrops & props to mounting negatives to assisting during sessions.
Around the time that “everyone” was going to prom and having a”great time” we planned our own special event. My sister, a good friend and I had our hair fixed up nice and spent the day at Cypress Gardens dressed as Southern Belles. Our mothers and siblings played paparazzi and we did our senior pictures there.
A lot of people ask about graduation and, to be honest, when it came time to graduate a ceremony was important to me. Nowadays the FPEA offers a statewide graduation ceremony each year as part of their annual convention in Orlando but it wasn’t an option then. I had several friends that were finishing school that same year, after getting approval from our parents and pastor (it was a church event) we organized and planned our own ceremony. We included elements that were important to us. For example: a speech from a graduate thanking our parents, followed by presenting our parents with a rose; the presentation of diplomas was done by the family of the graduate and each father & mother spoke a blessing over their child. The only detail that was not decided by the graduates was the color of our caps and gowns. We were at an impasse, so the parents stepped in and decided. In order to be impartial, the parents chose to refuse all the color options that had already been discussed and go with something completely different…they chose teal. I’ve almost gotten over my bitterness about graduating in such an undignified color.

I didn’t realize how busy my high school years were…and that is without considering that actual bookwork! Now that you know what I did, here is what I missed:

School lunches – my husband avoids tater tots to this day. Enough said.
Early mornings – I come from a family of night owls, so we especially enjoyed the benefit of starting our day when it worked best for us instead of heading out the door at 0:dark-thirty.
Stereotypical social groups – I was never called a nerd, jock, band geek, teacher’s pet, etc. I was never labeled based on where I lived, how I dressed, or what my hobbies were. I am particularly grateful that I missed out on this part of public high school. I know myself, I know who I was then. There is not doubt in my mind which group I would have been relegated to and the negative effect it would have had on me for the rest of my life.
Learning at the same speed as everyone else. I have a friend that graduated at 16…he was smart and motivated and because he was homeschooled, he was able to move at his own pace.
Prom – ok, yes, I missed out on prom. There was a time in my life when that fact bothered me. Then I grew up. Two of my sisters had the opportunity to go to prom with friends and they were, shall we say, a little let down after all the hype.

This is my experience. Just as everyone who goes to public school comes out with a different viewpoint (some see high school as the pinnacle of their life and for others it was like sitting on death row for 4 years) so all homeschoolers have a different experience. The beauty of home education is that the parent and student can have greater control over the negative aspects and make room for more time for the positive aspects. Talk to your child, tell them about your high school experience, listen to their concerns and interests. Then you will be well prepared to form a plan that will maximize your child’s strengths and give them the high school experience they desire. Then breathe deeply. No education is perfect. It will all turn out ok.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Pinched a 'Penny' over Bang Bang Shrimp

What do you do when you see a penny on the ground? A nickel? A quarter?

Driving down the road last year with a friend, I spotted bills peppering the side of the road just beyond a convenience store.

My friend and I split the unidentifiable 18 bucks.

In high school and college, I was a cashier for Publix. I had the opportunity to meet the company's founder a few times. George Jenkins personified the entrepreneur of his generation in that he would personally visit his stores and speak to each employee, shake hands and share the story of how the company was started.

The stories invariably emphasized personal character, drive, and a focus on and appreciation for the customer through excellent customer service.

On one occasion, this man, small of frame but big on vision, stood holding my hand and looking me straight in the eyes and told me something I have never forgotten.

In the early days, Mr. Jenkins would scout his competition to try and figure out what his competitors were offering their customers that might prevent him from obtaining their business. He told me that once he was walking through the parking lot of a competitor's store and spotted a penny on the ground. He retrieved a penny from his own pocket for effect and held it in front of my eyes,

pinched between his thumb and forefinger and said,

"I picked it up and I said to myself, you (my competitor) don't get this penny."

This millionaire of a man still valued the penny.

_______________________________________________________

Over my favorite Sunday date food of Bonefish Grill's Bang Bang Shrimp and a Caesar salad,

I met a 1982 penny.

My twenty year old server was a tiny little thing with great skin and beautiful features. While pleasant and quick whited, she had the air bearing burdens and responsibilities with an absence of joy.

Pure, unadulterated 'gutting it out'
Among other things, I'm sure,

her live in boyfriend had left the apartment with her car, forgetting to leave the car seat for their baby.

I tried to say something to patch it up, lighten her mood.

"Oh, dads aren't used to carting the kids around as much as us moms. It's probably pretty easy to forget."

She would have none of it.

It wasn't just frustration, she was clearly wrestling feelings of rejection.
She felt undervalued because of his error,
as though if she were important, he wouldn't have made that mistake.

There was something in their relationship, or in her past, that caused her to interpret his error as a rejection of her and her value.

You ever done that? Oh boy, I have.

It's lucky for me my husband was not similarly afflicted that day as he could have taken my interest in our young server as a rejection of his effort to engage me in a date night.

___________________________________________________

A few days later, my daughter told me about a 2003 'Penny' she met at a summer church camp.
"Mom, you know my friend Penny? Well, we were doing our makeup in "No Boys Allowed" class and you know what she told me? Mom, no body's ever told her she's beautiful. Isn't that sad?"

Yes it's sad. It's also common. It's also familiar.

"But Mom, I told her she was beautiful. I don't think she liked me telling her though."

Also sad. Also common. Also familiar.
____________________________________________________

You can find Pennies everywhere.
The high school cheerleader, book nerd, emo chick.
She's the girl that doesn't try anymore or the girl who tries too hard.
She's the mom addicted to prescription drugs, alcohol, romance novels or PTA service.
She's the employee that works too hard for too little respect or too little pay.
She's the one who can't keep a job.
She's the bulimic, the anorexic, the cutter, the exhibitionist, the risk taker,
the under-achiever and the performer.

She's the one that rejects her femininity.
She's the one who exploits her femininity to gain the attention she craves.

She's the one who is confused about the circumstances she finds herself in years later-
the result of the choices she's made, or the choices she was unable to make.
_________________________________________________________

An ounce of prevention:
We can tell our daughters often that they are significant, lovely, valuable.
They need to hear that they have been gifted and equipped for important things and that they have a responsibility to cultivate those attributes and their character so that they are ready when God calls.
They need to be shown respect.
They need to experience satisfaction in a job well done. They need to be appreciated.
They need a father who tells them they are beautiful, smiles at them when they dance and will hold their hand when they're dressed as a princess, clicking their plastic high heels on the concrete floor through Lowes.
They need dates with their dad.

Little girls have questions in their hearts that should be answered first by their dad.
If these questions go unnoticed, ignored, denied, unanswered, is it any wonder they grow up feeling like a penny in a parking lot?
Eager to be seen? Noticed? Picked up? Valued?

They will grow up imprisoned and with an insatiable hunger.
Imprisoned because it robs them of their freedom to make choices.
It's a constant slavery to the question of 'what's my value?'
Insatiable because the ones that notice her don't see her value, only her usefulness.
When that is exhausted, they discard her into another parking lot.
And she feels the hunger pains again iced with the conviction that, just as she suspected,
she has no value.

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But God scans the parking lot of His creation for Pennies.
He reaches down and pinches up a Penny between the thumb and forefinger of His Victorious Right Hand.
He says, "Devil, you don't get this Penny."

He delights in a pocket full of Pennies, and man, does He have big pockets.
He sent His Son to heal the broken hearted.
He's a Father to the fatherless.
He has declared from the beginning our eternal value and He demonstrated it on the cross.
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If you come across a Penny, please be patient and don't take their tarnished behavior, manner of speaking, attitudes or countenance personally.
They just have questions that for too long have gone unanswered.
Even if they get answered correctly, it takes time for it to sink in and for them to see themselves differently.

As I was leaving the restaurant, I said to my Penny, "Please don't be too hard on him. It's just hard to remember car seats when you're not used to taking care of details like that."

She said to me, "He better get used to it. I'm pregnant again."

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Jen

Homeschooling in High Heels