Ah! The Abstract Sequential-logical and objective

Ah!  The Abstract Sequential-logical and objective

This is a third installment in a 4 part series on Gregorc Learning Styles.  We've defined Concrete/Random/Abstract/Sequential and combined them Concrete/Sequential (CS) (here) and Abstract/Random (AR) (here)

Information!  Knowledge!  Research!  They love it and they may think that everyone loves it as much as them.  Ask them a question and you'll likely get a very long, detailed answer.  Just when you think they've completed their answer, they may say "and that's just one point of view."  Then they may continue to answer with a dissenting opinion to the first part of the answer.  Again, it's all about analysis and being objective.  All points of view considered. 

You'll recognize an AS as an adult as the person who is slower to make decisions, seeming to endlessly explore ALL the options.  It seems to be more about the process of making the decision than it is the actual decision for the AS.  They will apply this logic to real estate transactions which is great, but it can seem a little much when they take 30 minutes to select the perfect restaurant for lunch.  After much research, they may hit the enter key to complete a cardigan purchase, convinced they've found the best deal.  If they discover that same item later for $3 cheaper, they may be compelled to return their original purchase to take advantage of the $3 savings.  If the $3 savings is gobbled up by the cost of returning the original cardigan, they may berate themselves for "making a bad decision" and they may scrutinize future purchases even more to avoid 'making another mistake.'

Author Cynthia Tobias gives this example of her AS husband: 

They had an argument while they were dating.  Cynthia poured her jumbled thoughts into an emotional letter and mailed it to her future husband.  When they got back together to discuss her letter, he had rewritten her letter in outline form, complete with Roman Numerals I, II, III and subheadings A, B, C.  She was horrified.  His explanation?  "Cindy I love you.  What you wrote obviously meant a lot to you.  If I were to just answer you off the top of my head, I might well miss the points that were most important to you.  So I put this in a format where I could be sure all your concerns were addressed."

That may just be the perfect illustration for not only an AS person, a great example of how our different styles can clash and cause us to feel unloved, even when love is being shown, just in another language.

As a parent, an AS may struggle with communicating with little ones.  AS's think in logic and reason.  Not a strong suit for a 2 year old.  Moms if you're an AS and you feel guilty for getting frustrated with little kids, or maybe feeling sometimes like you don't like them, this might be why.  You're not broken.  You're not mean.  Just wait till your kid is old enough to win the science fair, you'll knock it out of the park because your research can't be beat.  Let go of the guilt, but be aware of some of the real effects you may have and compensate.  Adjust.  Learn new ways.  Get a band aid, this might sting a bit. 

AS parent, a little truth in love:  To your kids or even your spouse, you might tend to come off as overbearing or lecture-y.  Another example from Tobias, a simple request for a puppy could turn into an NCIS interrogation to collect data.  Who's going to feed it?  Where will you keep it?  How much is grooming?  Vet?  What about kenneling for vacations?  Vitamins?  Shedding?  All the while, your six year old daughter is looking at your with tears welling in her eyes and her hair blown back thinking 'I don't know....they're just so fluffy and cute.'  And you're right Mom or Dad, your kids should learn to make logical, well thought out choices and you will be a blessing to them in that way.  But maybe celebrate the request, "You're thinking you'd like a puppy?  That might be neat.  They are cute and fluffy.  Let's sit down together and make a list of what it would take to raise a puppy and see if it's a possibility.  Would you like to help with that?"  See?  Less tears.

Another thing an AS parent may tend to do is 'beat a dead horse.'  You know, your kid just learned a lesson and you feel compelled to verbally clarify everything you think they should have learned.  And you're probably right.  And you're probably more well motivated than you come across.  You don't like to see your kids hurt (pain often accompanies learning a lesson) so you want to make sure they've learned the lesson well so they don't have to suffer this pain again.  But it comes off as self-righteous and condescending more than you know, or more than you intend.  Again, Tobias has good wisdom in this area.  When you start lecturing, grant your kid (or spouse) permission to raise her hand.  If she can sum up the points she feels you're about to make, you have to stop lecturing and get it off your chest another way.  That way, you can know the lesson has been learned, but you've not created distance in your relationship, the result of them protecting themselves from feeling 'stupid' by you feeling the need to explain what they already know, as though you don't think they're smart enough.  Which, you probably don't, but it comes across that way.  Discipline yourself in love.

Your AS child/student:

*They'd rather turn in nothing at all than to turn in something incomplete, or not up to their personal standard.  It can look very stubborn.  But resist getting into a battle over 'their attitude'.  It may not be 'attitude,' but rather an internal integrity issue for them that they don't meet their own standard.  If you spin off into some emotional 'I can't believe you're being so stubborn.  It's not hard, I don't know why you can't just do it" rant, you will lose credibility with an AS.  For your own sake....be Spock here mom.  Say something very logical about "I'm sure you have your reasons.  I'd like for us to talk about them (at some designated time) but for right now, I need you to complete the assignment.  When do you think you can have it done?"  Don't let them take too long.  They need to discipline their desire to research.  They do need to learn to work in the time frame allotted.

*They can become disappointed in themselves, or even experience shame, when they are not permitted enough time to explore their options, do their research.  For them, it's like going out in public in their underwear.  They need time.  For little ones, this may mean letting them make their clothing choices the night before so that they are not rushed or making the rest of the family late in the morning and have everyone get frustrated with an AS just doing what an AS does.

 *They may read as shy...but it is not a social issue, necessarily.  It's a processing style that is sometimes demonstrated in social situations.  Calling them shy could make them believe they are something they may not be.  (I'm sure some AS's really are shy.  Just as some other personalities are shy)
*Praise.  But make it authentic.  Your AR kid will give you credit for even false compliments, because he appreciates the sentiment behind it.  But an AS kid will evaluate it to see if it's true.  If he believes it be a false compliment, you lose credibility with them. 

*They have internal standards that may read as a perfectionistic bent.  They need time to do things to their own standard.  If not, they may chose not to do it at all.  Over time, this could develop into a habit of avoidance.  Do your best not to allow discouragement and frustration to morph into an avoidance habit.

*These kids (and adults) need time to process before they speak.  Quick decisions are fool hearty and threatening to an AS.  If you must discuss some matter with them, deliver your proposal or suggestion and include as many options as you can think of.  Then ask for them to get back to you with their thoughts in a few hours, or few days. 

*Email is great for older AS's.  They don't like confusion or emotional rants about "don't you remember, I told you XYZ."  Put it in writing.  That way, you have something to go back to as evidence.  Not to bust them (or you) but they so value logic and their respect for authority hinges on the leader's credibility.

*For a younger kid or a kid that is organizationally challenged or is easily overwhelmed, love him by limiting the options for him.  "What kind of science would you like to study in the 5th grade" may be too broad.  Instead, what might work better is "Darling, you need to have a science credit next year.  I'm convinced Apologia is the way to go, but I'm ok with you deciding which study, astronomy, land or sea creatures.  Would you like to think about it and we can talk again tomorrow?  Here's the website if you'd like to take a look at what each study might look like."

*AS's don't like to talk before they think and think and re-think.  They believe, and it is true, that once you say it, it's out there.  Permanently.  You can't erase it.  Now some of us (AR's) don't care as much.  AR's tend to think out loud.  Our verbal communication comes out in cartoon bubbles over our heads, and we can re-arrange them, change the shape, or take them back and apologize.  No big deal.  But not to an AR.  They are very, very careful.  They're not slow, or shy.  Just cautious as to not make a mistake (like the online shopping)  If you are an AR, in the interest of your relationship with an AS, try to tone it down.  Too much thinking out loud can look flighty and air headed to an AS and it can affect their respect for you.  Unless you're close and the AS is mature, then let it rip.

*They are private, especially with emotions.  They like to ANALYZE their feelings, not talk about them.

*They can get lost in too much research and may need to be encouraged to JUMP.

*They learn more by watching than doing. 

*They are not good at being diplomatic, sentimentality or expressing emotions.

*They may resist change especially if they don't see the need for the change.

AS's thrive on:

organization
logic
ample time to work
credible sources
opportunities for analysis
appreciation for their input

AS's are stressed by:

being rushed
ambiguity
unanswered questions
sentimentality, especially in the decision making process
asked to express their emotions or feelings

Love them by:

giving them ample time to process
space and quiet time to do their processing
put things in writing
if you're an emotional person, turn down your volume when you deal with them (they will view you as more credible.)

When learning:

They may ask "how do we know this is true?"  Don't get frustrated thinking they're questioning your authority.  They are questioning the authority of the information.

They may ask "what have we not considered?"


Coming up?  The last learning style.  The Concrete Random.

Jen Cushen

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