Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall
When I was first introduced to the idea of homeschooling,
I was hesitant.
I was hesitant.
When my oldest was still pre-school age, it had been my observation, of a very small sample size, that homeschoolers tended to be a little left of center socially. While this is not a completely bad thing (we want them to be in the world but not of the world) we also want them to be relevant and credible for ministry.
I remember telling my husband before attending my first homeschool convention (around 2005) that if everyone looked weird (picture the VonTrapp family children all in a line with matching curtain clothing) that I would not be homeschooling. I remember observing people very closely as I maneuvered through the crowded convention halls thinking to myself 'They look normal. They look normal. They look normal. Okay, they look a little weird, probably nice, but weird. They look normal.'
It's not like in the 80's. We don't have to hide inside our house, fearful of a truancy report.
Besides, there are weird kids in public school. Remember that kid in science class?
Even since 2005, the opportunities for homeschool families to participate in cooperative classes, extra curricular sports, museum programs, park and library classes, on-line classes, dual enrollment and the like have exploded.
All of these options allow us to participate in all the best homeschooling and traditional schooling has to offer.
I remember a few years back overhearing a conversation between two moms at our kid's club soccer practice, one of which was a public school teacher.
PS teacher mom said something to the effect of "Yeah, the school year's starting out great. But these homeschooled kids, I feel so bad for them. They're so sheltered and not allowed to be a normal kid. I can pick a homeschooled kid out a mile away." And they continue their conversation about their kid's schools.
I just kind of smirked to myself and kept reading my book. A little while later, PS mom decided to try and include me in the conversation. She looked at me and said,
"Hi, what school do your kids go to?"
"Hi, what school do your kids go to?"
I said, "Well actually, my kids are homeschooled."
You should have seen her face, knowing that I would have overheard their conversation.
So, she recovered herself, and said "Oh, really, which is your kid?"
And oh yes I did.
I said, "What? Can you not tell?"
In the past several years, as the homeschooling population has increased and diversified, I have become less concerned with the socialization issue and become much more concerned with the other issues discussed in this post.
More disturbing to me was an air of self-righteousness among some
in the homeschooling community.
An unforgiving sense that homeschool families were setting the example of how Christian families 'ought' to be honoring God with their parenting style and schooling choice.
in the homeschooling community.
An unforgiving sense that homeschool families were setting the example of how Christian families 'ought' to be honoring God with their parenting style and schooling choice.
I found this to be haughty, projecting an air of superiority and, quite frankly, being a source of divisiveness among the
family of God.
Sadly, I find no shortage of this message in *some* homeschool magazines
(Home Educating Family a notable exception)
And it is a common message of some
homeschool convention speakers
Sadly, I find no shortage of this message in *some* homeschool magazines
(Home Educating Family a notable exception)
And it is a common message of some
homeschool convention speakers
Some of the most God fearing, bible studying, life living radical Christians I know are recent
public high school graduates.
public high school graduates.
In fact, there are cars lined up every week of the summer months in front of my house
(with my complete blessing)
These cars belong to college kids, home for the summer, choosing to do a bible study they conduct themselves across the street.
Francis Chan, David Platt stuff.
I know 2 college age missionaries to China.
One homeschooled, the other public schooled
(although homeschooled a few years in the middle)
(although homeschooled a few years in the middle)
I choose to homeschool my kids because I choose to fight certain battles a certain way.
My close friend has chosen for her kids to be public schooled
(although they also homeschooled for a time in the middle too)
because that family has chosen to fight certain battles another way.
(although they also homeschooled for a time in the middle too)
because that family has chosen to fight certain battles another way.
Her sons are who my oldest son looks up to as example of our homeschool 'motto verse'
1st Timothy 4:12 Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers, in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
Those that claim Christ as their savior become
a family of 'we' NOT 'us' and 'them'
School choice should never divide the family of God.
Additionally, I have several teacher friends who bring Jesus with them into the classroom.
While it's true that there are restrictions, my friends are creative.
One walks her classroom,
touching each desk and praying for each child by name before they arrive in the morning.
Jesus is still mentioned in valedictory speeches.
Fellowship of Christian Athletes still hold meetings.
When challenged with the question about the possibility of their kids attending public school, some homeschooling parents have fear behind their eyes as they boldly articulate their substantial reasons for schooling at home.
Be careful what this communicates about our Savior.
If he was able to sustain Daniel in his exile to Babylon, He can certainly be trusted with our children in an American public school.
We have not been given a spirit of timidity or fear. We, like Joshua, are to be strong and courageous for the Lord our God will be with us where ever we go.
There are wonderful reasons why some families would choose to homeschool.
Fear should not be one of them.
Additionally, I have several teacher friends who bring Jesus with them into the classroom.
While it's true that there are restrictions, my friends are creative.
One walks her classroom,
touching each desk and praying for each child by name before they arrive in the morning.
Jesus is still mentioned in valedictory speeches.
Fellowship of Christian Athletes still hold meetings.
When challenged with the question about the possibility of their kids attending public school, some homeschooling parents have fear behind their eyes as they boldly articulate their substantial reasons for schooling at home.
Be careful what this communicates about our Savior.
If he was able to sustain Daniel in his exile to Babylon, He can certainly be trusted with our children in an American public school.
We have not been given a spirit of timidity or fear. We, like Joshua, are to be strong and courageous for the Lord our God will be with us where ever we go.
There are wonderful reasons why some families would choose to homeschool.
Fear should not be one of them.
Because we have had over 20 years of homeschooling to look back on, and because hindsight is indeed 20/20, there is another unintended consequence reflected in a portion of homeschool graduates.
(certainly not all)
(certainly not all)
Be on guard that our kids do not leave our immediate influence without their faith being tested and with the notion that head knowledge only is sufficient for living a life honoring to God.
Listen, I get it. I'm a mom who desperately loves her children.
I would be affected on a range of sad to devastated if something happened to my kids whether it be simple unfairness, bullying, being exposed to violence, vulgar language too young
or graphic pornographic images at any age,
or graphic pornographic images at any age,
or heaven forbid, physical or sexual abuse.
Now, hear me, and try to be objective. The incidences of the most horrific of these situations is
statistically small.
statistically small.
Admittedly higher than they used to be, but still small.
In fact, the number of children who die each year by drowning (3.0%) , gun accidents (0.7%), fire related (2.7%), force of nature (1.8%), etc are far less than kids who die in car accidents (37.5%).
And we still drive them around.
But there are social dangers as well.
Bullying is a problem. But not knowing how to be bullied well is also a problem.
Paul was bullied. The 12 were harassed.
Chinese Christians, among others, experts at being bullied.
Prisoners in Auschwitz were bullied.
Chick-Fil-A is currently being bullied by someone who participated in creating the anti-bully campaign.
The recent movement to curtail bullying, while argueably well intentioned by some, is contributing to
a victim mind set.
No one has control over another person to change them.
We can influence them, sometimes. We can hold them accountable.
We can use those in authority to impose consequences.
However, we can not control them or force them to change.
Handling a bully is a skill. Richard Wurmbrand is, in my mind, the ultimate example.
Humor, sarcasm, deflection are all useful tools to disarm a bully.
But bullies target insecure kids. Therein lies a one solution over which we as parents have considerable influence.
Teach them, train them, coach them. But don't hide them.
While I do not like it, I encourage my oldest to be among other kids his age (in small doses at first) who use vulgar language, coarse jesting and some disrespectful, snarky attitudes and obnoxious behavior.
In my life I have gone to college, worked retail, been in a corporate environment and gone to Wal-Mart
a thousand times.
I have heard vulgar language, coarse jesting, disrespectful, snarky attitudes and seen obnoxious behavior
in all of these environments.
He (my son) has to develop the skills necessary to tolerate such language and behavior.
He will be hindered as an adult if he is too self-righteously sensitive to the sins of other people.
He will be ill equipped if he does not have the intestinal fortitude to tolerate this behavior,
and even in the face of it,
extend grace.
Biblical correction and rebuke are for those within the family of God.
Those outside the family need a Savior before they receive the conviction of sin and the enabling to turn.
How will they know if we raise the next generation sheltered, ill-equipped and too judgmental to go near.
It has been my personal experience that some homeschoolers graduate with academic and social maturity in as much as it relates to older adults who are modifying their behavior to accommodate
the tenderness of the young person.
But paradoxically, some of these same people graduate with a marked immaturity in relating to others their age not on the approved, similarly sheltered list.
It's ultimately a well motivated disservice.
It limits their choices and potential to impact in the world.
Here's a link to the top 5 leading causes of death among children:
In fact, these statistics show that the top five causes of death in children are situations that are more likely to occur when kids are with their parents.
So really, statistically, they're more in danger at home than when they're in school.
But there are social dangers as well.
Bullying is a problem. But not knowing how to be bullied well is also a problem.
Paul was bullied. The 12 were harassed.
Chinese Christians, among others, experts at being bullied.
Prisoners in Auschwitz were bullied.
Chick-Fil-A is currently being bullied by someone who participated in creating the anti-bully campaign.
The recent movement to curtail bullying, while argueably well intentioned by some, is contributing to
a victim mind set.
No one has control over another person to change them.
We can influence them, sometimes. We can hold them accountable.
We can use those in authority to impose consequences.
However, we can not control them or force them to change.
Handling a bully is a skill. Richard Wurmbrand is, in my mind, the ultimate example.
Humor, sarcasm, deflection are all useful tools to disarm a bully.
But bullies target insecure kids. Therein lies a one solution over which we as parents have considerable influence.
Teach them, train them, coach them. But don't hide them.
While I do not like it, I encourage my oldest to be among other kids his age (in small doses at first) who use vulgar language, coarse jesting and some disrespectful, snarky attitudes and obnoxious behavior.
In my life I have gone to college, worked retail, been in a corporate environment and gone to Wal-Mart
a thousand times.
I have heard vulgar language, coarse jesting, disrespectful, snarky attitudes and seen obnoxious behavior
in all of these environments.
He (my son) has to develop the skills necessary to tolerate such language and behavior.
He will be hindered as an adult if he is too self-righteously sensitive to the sins of other people.
He will be ill equipped if he does not have the intestinal fortitude to tolerate this behavior,
and even in the face of it,
extend grace.
Biblical correction and rebuke are for those within the family of God.
Those outside the family need a Savior before they receive the conviction of sin and the enabling to turn.
How will they know if we raise the next generation sheltered, ill-equipped and too judgmental to go near.
It has been my personal experience that some homeschoolers graduate with academic and social maturity in as much as it relates to older adults who are modifying their behavior to accommodate
the tenderness of the young person.
But paradoxically, some of these same people graduate with a marked immaturity in relating to others their age not on the approved, similarly sheltered list.
It's ultimately a well motivated disservice.
It limits their choices and potential to impact in the world.
A primary objective of parents is to prepare their kids to launch well and equipped. Head knowledge is not sufficient to protect them, equip them or prepare them for life. They must have experiential knowledge. Practice. A personal, emotional bank with a balance reflecting deposits of failures, mistakes, successes, choices and consequences and yes, even bad people.
They also need to establish their own circle of wisdom.
Wise people who keep confidences, give wise counsel and correction.
They also need to establish their own circle of wisdom.
Wise people who keep confidences, give wise counsel and correction.
Without this account from which to make withdrawals, kids are far more likely to
A) bust out of your house and go bananas
or
B) fail to branch out as a result of fear and insecurity
or
C) launch, but fail to reach their full potential
or
C) launch, but fail to reach their full potential
Our kids have a 0.7% chance of dying by gun shot wound
but
100% chance of being ill equipped for life if they are over-sheltered.
Besides, it tends to make them little Pharisees. That's obnoxious, off putting and by definition not winsome to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Besides, it tends to make them little Pharisees. That's obnoxious, off putting and by definition not winsome to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I'm not suggesting our little ones or unprepared/immature tweeners get exposed before they are ready. The early years are for laying the character foundations of honesty, integrity, perseverance, self-control, discernment, courage, loyalty, mercy, trust, wisdom and patience.
That's any parent's job with the little bitties.
But by the tweeners, these foundations need to be checked for cracks, while they are still at home and before they launch.
The only way to test a foundation is to subject it to weight.
If you've been a good mentor and your kids humble students in their younger years,
they may stumble, you may have to fill some cracks, but more often than not they will stand.
they may stumble, you may have to fill some cracks, but more often than not they will stand.
If the foundation is inadequate or faulty, rip it up and begin again. Quickly.
The count down to launch keeps tickin'.
Caveat: Please don't overwhelm kids who's character is underdeveloped by hoisting upon them responsibilities for which they are not prepared for just because they hit their 12th birthday
(or whatever age other kids are XYZing.)
If junior has a responsibility problem, we should not be giving him a cell phone
. (except in rare cases when additional responsibility will actually result in a child stepping up to the plate)
He's proven he can't be trusted. We jeopardize our credibility when we knowingly grant him freedoms and privileges his character can't handle, then nag and whine and rant and threaten and yell when the bill comes in. Although junior would never articulate this, he knew he couldn't be trusted when you gave we the phone. But we gave him the responsibility anyway. Now, we look out of control ranting about the result everyone could have reasonably anticipated. As a bonus, our ranting, although it may serve to purge our emotional build up, undermines our kid's confidence and hardens their heart to correction.
Follow the biblical principle, those that can be trusted with a little can be trusted in much.
Then tell 'not quite mature Junior' that you will help him work to be more trustworthy and responsible. Confess any negligence on your part in cultivating this character attribute in him.
Tell him you're on his side, that you believe in him, and will be excited when the day comes when you can all celebrate that he can handle the responsibility of the phone.
Just because all of Junior's 12 year old friends have a smart phone has nothing to do with Junior.
My neighbor might drive a Maserati. What does that have to do with me?
It's a lesson that needs to be learned before they trash their credit rating 'keeping up with the Joneses' and expecting you to rant, then bail them out.
Conversely, it is also damaging to not cooperate with the maturation process of a child.
A child who has proven character needs your vote of confidence with additional responsibility.
Don't allow fear to get in the way.
And one further note: My Heavenly Father values suffering.
James told us to consider it all joy...because God is cultivating something in us.
(paraphrase of James 1:2 and following mine)
God values suffering as an instrument that demonstrates His superiority over sin.
He's active in Romans 8:28 working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Suffering is frequently the mechanism that plugs head knowledge into heart knowledge.
It cultivates our character. Our passions. Our compassion.
Our humility.
Our kids will suffer. God chastens those He loves.
It's one of the evidences we are His children.
One of the most important things we can teach our children is how to suffer well.
How to stand in times of opposition, oppression and persecution.
We need to practice forgiveness and excavating bitter seeds before they take root.
Over protected children are denied opportunities to grow and to understand the gospel
in an experiential way.
Caveat: Please don't overwhelm kids who's character is underdeveloped by hoisting upon them responsibilities for which they are not prepared for just because they hit their 12th birthday
(or whatever age other kids are XYZing.)
If junior has a responsibility problem, we should not be giving him a cell phone
. (except in rare cases when additional responsibility will actually result in a child stepping up to the plate)
He's proven he can't be trusted. We jeopardize our credibility when we knowingly grant him freedoms and privileges his character can't handle, then nag and whine and rant and threaten and yell when the bill comes in. Although junior would never articulate this, he knew he couldn't be trusted when you gave we the phone. But we gave him the responsibility anyway. Now, we look out of control ranting about the result everyone could have reasonably anticipated. As a bonus, our ranting, although it may serve to purge our emotional build up, undermines our kid's confidence and hardens their heart to correction.
Follow the biblical principle, those that can be trusted with a little can be trusted in much.
Then tell 'not quite mature Junior' that you will help him work to be more trustworthy and responsible. Confess any negligence on your part in cultivating this character attribute in him.
Tell him you're on his side, that you believe in him, and will be excited when the day comes when you can all celebrate that he can handle the responsibility of the phone.
Just because all of Junior's 12 year old friends have a smart phone has nothing to do with Junior.
My neighbor might drive a Maserati. What does that have to do with me?
It's a lesson that needs to be learned before they trash their credit rating 'keeping up with the Joneses' and expecting you to rant, then bail them out.
Conversely, it is also damaging to not cooperate with the maturation process of a child.
A child who has proven character needs your vote of confidence with additional responsibility.
Don't allow fear to get in the way.
And one further note: My Heavenly Father values suffering.
James told us to consider it all joy...because God is cultivating something in us.
(paraphrase of James 1:2 and following mine)
God values suffering as an instrument that demonstrates His superiority over sin.
He's active in Romans 8:28 working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Suffering is frequently the mechanism that plugs head knowledge into heart knowledge.
It cultivates our character. Our passions. Our compassion.
Our humility.
Our kids will suffer. God chastens those He loves.
It's one of the evidences we are His children.
One of the most important things we can teach our children is how to suffer well.
How to stand in times of opposition, oppression and persecution.
We need to practice forgiveness and excavating bitter seeds before they take root.
Over protected children are denied opportunities to grow and to understand the gospel
in an experiential way.
Here's a good example of the benefit of suffering a bad circumstance well.
http://michaelhyatt.com/the-value-of-working-for-a-bad-boss.html
Michael Hyatt: The value of working for a bad boss
People with head knowledge only, without experiential knowledge have a tendency to become Pharisaical.
The are haughty, judgemental and condemning.
May it never be with us.
Homeschooling is a wonderful opportunity to enjoy our children, educated them, mentor them
and to cultivate a faith that endures and is God honoring.
But it's not the only way.
And it's not the perfect way.
Check yourself.
Jen
All comments and respectful dissenting opinions welcome and encouraged.
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