I heard this story several years ago, and it has recently come to mind, of a little girl who had a toy pearl necklace. These plastic pearls were her most treasured possession. She wore them everyday and even slept in them. They made her feel like a princess.
One night, as her daddy was tucking her into bed, He asked her this question, “Honey, do you love me?”
The little girl replied, “Oh daddy, of course I love you.”
“Will you give me your plastic pearls?” the father then asked.
She got a horrified look on her face and covered her plastic pearls with her hand. “But daddy, these are my greatest treasure! I can't give them to you.”
“It's ok,” her father assured her. “You don't have to. I know you love me and I'll always love you.” He kissed her goodnight and left the room.
The father repeated this request for the next several nights, all with the same response from his daughter. Finally, one night, when he entered her room, she was sitting on the edge of her bed with both fists holding something tightly. The little girl had tears streaming down her cheeks, and she looked up at her daddy, saying, “Daddy, I really do love you, and I am going to give you my pearls.” With that, she held out her open hands with the plastic pearls inside. The father gently took the pearls and put them in his pocket. Then, he reached into his back pocket and took out a beautiful real pearl necklace and put them around his daughter's neck.
In a very real sense, we initially turn over our lives to Christ, fake pearls in exchange for the heavenly pearls of salvation, His life for ours. Worthless and futile is exchanged for eternal and infinite value and heavenly purpose. We celebrate and sing. We tell others in the hope that they will also bow their knee and receive this generous, undeserved swap so beautifully illustrated in the covenant between David and Jonathan.
There are more request for plastic pearls as we walk the road of sanctification. Remember Peter already walked with the Lord when he was asked, "Peter, do you love me?" Christ posed the question as agape love. Peter answered "Yes, Lord." The word Peter used for Lord is Kurios, he to whom a person or thing belongs, about which he has power of deciding; master, lord. That's the right answer, Jesus is his Lord. This is Peter's verbal acknowledgement. But then he does something funny. When Peter continues his answer, "You know that I love you," he changes the word for love from agape to phileo. The Lord asked do you, Peter, love Me in a covenant way, unconditional, once for all, til the death kind of way. Peter answers, yes, I love you with brotherly affection. Jesus then tells Peter to "tend My lambs." Literally, to feed, portraying the duty of a Christian teacher to promote in every way the spiritual welfare of the members of the church. A big responsibility placed on the shoulders of someone who didn't even understand the question. Ah. The sovereignty of God showing up, knowing that the power of Christ can bring about the desired ending despite the functional ineptitude of Peter.
Christ asks again, "Peter, do you agape Me?" Peter responds, "Yes, Lord, You know I phileo You." Christ responds, "shepherd My sheep." Literally, the request is for Peter to feed, tend, govern, rule, nourish, cherish, serve. Peter gets it wrong again. He is not in full surrender, and yet Christ asks him to take even more responsibility.
Finally, during this 3rd manifestation of Christ to His disciples after his resurrection, He asks, "Peter, do you phileo Me?" Christ meets Peter where he is. He changes His question from agape to phileo. Peter is grieved that Christ has asked three times if Peter phileo loves. It's there in the text. Christ asks twice if Peter agapes and once if he phileos. Peter heard three questions of phileo. Peter answers, "Yes Lord. You know all things. You know I phileo You." Christ answers as the first, "tend My sheep."
Peter does finally understand. He did as Christ asked, and tradition holds that he considered himself unworthy of the same death as Christ and was crucified upside down.
Christ the Rock and the Conerstone. The prophets and apostles the foundation. Peter the small stone. As are we, being built up a spiritual house. In covenant, agape love, Christ gave His life for the Church. We are to lay down the old self, and put on the new self. Die to our will, and properly acknowledge Him as Lord, having authority over us. We are to die so that He may live in us. We exchange all our plans for walking in faith that His plan may not be our plan, but that His plan is better and He may chose not to disclose the details in advance. We surrender anyway. Plastic pearls for real ones.
Peter was concerned for his own life, 3 times before the cock crowed. He was not fully dead. Once dead, we must decide to die daily. Like Peter experienced, there is a snare laid before us. Paul says it like this in his letter to the Galatians, 'For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God ? Or am I striving to please men ? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.'
Dying is a discipline. It brings glory to God because when we let go of the plastic pearls, it validates the faith that our Father knows how to give good gifts and he will not withhold any good thing from His children.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Cracker Country
Above is the orginal, turn of the century, one room church/school house, complete with the original wood burning stove used to warm the room and most uncomfortable pew benches.
Number one son, little man and a friend dipping candles. Not entirely authentic as the wax was heated from below with kerosene heaters, but hot none the less.
Laundry is my nemesis with electric equipment. I just can't image this.
See her face? Clearly not fully grasping the gravity of the reality this represents.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Homeschooling, the WHAT of it all
The WHAT of it all is really the most critical decision you will make after deciding to homeschool. It's intimidating, of course, because you want to make the best choice possible. Really, I've seen new HS moms sweat it out over which science curriculum is best for their kindergarten and first grader. Oy vey! We read a few articles on how bad the education system is and all the sudden we're freaking out over whether or not Junior will get into the college of his choice before the training wheels are even off his bike. Side note, snarky comment: Junior should be riding his bike in the first grade instead of sludging through 32 weeks of Botany for little einsteins. Don't worry, all advice is free of charge. And please, save yourself the risk of myocardial infarction, and at least pick a style before going to convention. There are 4 billion curriculum choices and you can do yourself a favor and limit your choices by just deciding on a point of view. Again, don't worry, you don't have to register your choices with the state which means you can change your mind at any time.
Your schooling style will depend largely on your goals, the personality of each child, your personality, your availability/lifestyle, budget and trial and error. Inevitably, you will buy curriculum that you never use and you will feel like you wasted money. I'll say this in sweet, dulcet tones, 'get over it.' That's what used book sales are for. You can't start condemning yourself for well intentioned mistakes. It's only the beginning. This list is not exhaustive, but it might be a good place to start if you're taking your first crack at homeschooling.
#1 Buy "Curriculum in a Box": On the upside, it's a one stop shop at the Bob Jones, Abeka or My Father's World booth or website, search for whatever grade Junior's in, and viola, everything you need in a big, relatively high priced box to do 'school at home.' If you're really techy, you can do the same with Switched on Schoolhouse, which is the same concept, only online/cd as opposed to textbook/workbook form. Maybe this is comfortable for you. You like it all handy, all laid out. Downside? It's kinda like when you're in public school and you miss a week to go visit an aunt who broke a hip, and the teacher sent home all the school work you have to do on you're own. They've done all the work for you and determined what your child should learn at what grade, just like in public school. If you're new, just transitioning from public school, feel under-researched to make other choices or you're an accountant type personality with a high need for order, schedule and structure, this might be the approach for you. Please note though, you can buy subjects ala carte, so if you like, say, the Bob Jones handwriting workbook, you are able to purchase just that.
#2 The "Classical Education": This method is based on 'The Trivium'. Basically, it follows the model of classical education understood to be consistent with Aristotle, Plato, Socrates and the rest of those guys. It suggests that little bitty brains are great at absorbing gobs and gobs of info through memorization, this is called the grammar stage, roughly K-5th. So, of course, Latin would be easier to learn in 1st grade than 10th. Shirley Grammar is a popular language arts curriculum in this approach because it emphasizes repetition of facts and the memorizing of little grammar songs to maximize this window of rote memory acumen. You'll make and use up to 10,000 flash cards a semester. You may like that. From 6th-8th (ish) you move your kids through the logic stage where begin to order the information they have memorized and to form cogent arguments based on what they've memorized. Then in high school, the students are ready for the rhetoric stage where they practice the art of articulating, apologizing and arguing their point of view, you know, captain of the debate team stuff. Jessie Wise and her daughter Susan Wise Bauer are the reigning homeschool gurus for this approach and together have written the classical education handbook "The Well Trained Mind" as well as a line of language arts (Language Lessons) and history curriculum (The Story of the World) based on this approach for your shopping pleasure. Additionally, there are co-ops and support groups online or possibly in your community to help and encourage you. The upside? Using this approach has the opportunity to expose your kids to a great deal of really great information and arts and children who thrive with this model will likely have the best SAT scores and best chance of winning JEOPARDY Teenweek. Added perk? Violin lessons are required, I think. But you might need to enroll your boys in some type of self defense, martial arts program just to be safe. If you schedule it back to back with the chess club meeting, you only have to make one trip. I hope you understand that this is a tongue-in-cheek caricature, and not intended to be a slight to students who may resemble this description. Really, these may be the greatest thinking, philosophical and art appreciative adults of our time. But please be on guard for the potential downsides of this approach even if executed well (despite being well intentioned as a parent) The fact that your 7 year old is able to dazzle your in-laws with a poem in Latin may feel like a big 'told you, I can too homeschool' and feed your pride that you're the best homeschool mom on the planet. All the while, junior may absolutely hate school by the 1st grade and you've now set yourself up for a battle every single day of your life between your goal of your kids being the most brilliant with a full scholarship to MIT and his goal of 'hey mom, I'm 7 and kids are riding their bikes around the neighborhood while I'm learning violin via the Suzuki method.' If not managed carefully and in moderation, the potential exists to either crush them into submission or drive them into rebellion that will make your house feel like the battle of Armageddon. There ARE families that thrive in this method, I'm just trying to point our the potential caveats. Let this be your guide: Education=Good, Education as an idol=Bad.
#3 "Charlotte Mason Approach": Charlotte Mason was a British educator in the later 1800's and early 1900's. Her approach to education was to focus on the development of children's character and the intentional and meticulous cultivation of habits (habits of decency, mental habits, moral habits, physical habits and religious habits). In this approach, lessons with the very young are kept short. During the lesson the student is required to exercise self control, focus, attention to detail and be fully engaged, and then they are released to wiggle, wrestle, explore, etc. As they mature, the length of time devoted to lessons is increased. The idea is that the lessons are pleasant, enjoyable and edifying and that they end before becoming repetitive and dull, creating a positive experience with learning. Because of this positive experience, theoretically, they will naturally develop the habit of loving to learn. Common with this method are nature walks with the exercise of journaling. Casually pointing out details thus creating the habits of attentiveness, attention to detail, being observant and engaging in natural discussion that models excellent communication skills such as articulation, proper word usage, respect and social graces are the goal. Also integral to this method is the reading of classical literature aloud and narration exercises (having the child retell what was just read in their own words.) Karen Andreola is the recognized homeschool guru on Charlotte Mason, and her website, SimplyCharlotteMason.com, is a wonderful source of information and materials. As an aside, my parenting book library weighs in at about 900 pounds, and if I had to sell them all, one of the last I would let go is "Laying Down the Rails" which is a brilliant compilation of Charlotte Mason's wisdom on the cultivation of character habits. The Charlotte Mason method is a schooling philosophy more than a curriculum. It does focus on 'living' books which is a reference to good literature with meter, excellent language usage, rich adjectives and verbs to help the child practice imagination, good plot and character development all followed up be imaginative play and/or rich discussion. She rejects books lacking these elements, books which she calls twaddle. She would say that June B. Jones and Captain Underpants books are an insult to a child's intelligence. Copywork in emphasized as opposed to 'grammar curriculum', the idea being that a child trained in the art of paying attention will notice, with the teacher's help, that the first letter of the sentence is capitalized and that the sentence ends in a period. Copywork may be discussed and repeated until all rules and proper formation of the letters and structure of the sentence are mastered. As with the lessons of character, the parent is the student first, and the children catch it in the same way they would strep throat. As an additional manual, Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning, by Oliver and Rachel DeMille, is an excellent book outlining an overall blueprint of a child's educational career from infancy though young adulthood, with the expectation that they will be influential leaders of character and distinction. I warn in advance that the DeMilles are mormon, however, I was unable to discern anything specifically contradictory about the content of their book with regard to my Christian faith. You will find this and other DeMille books recommended by Andrew Pudewa under the heading of Freedomship Education on the IEW website.
#4 "Unschooling" Not much, if any formal structure, allowing the child's interest to direct their own education. Practical application is emphasized, such as kitchen math, you know, learning fractions by cutting a cantaloupe in 1/2, then 1/4, etc. That's cool. But a die hard unschooling parent would say that it's ok for a child to not progress past kitchen math or check book balancing math unless he was interested in math. And on the one hand I say, yes, I never used calculus past 12th grade. True. However, in my freshman year of college, I was at least equipped with the option of pursuing an engineering degree if I found that to be my interest at the time. In other words, I don't think an 8 year old who doesn't know what he wants to do with his life needs to determine the path of his education, particularly when a lack of knowledge in the core subjects will limit his future options. However, presenting Junior with the choice of botany or astronomy in the 5th grade may be a perfectly edifying and appropriate way for Junior to help direct his education.
#5 "Unit Studies": Pick a unit, say Africa, then build your subject lessons around that unit. Study the animals of Africa, the geography, plants, cultures, language, heritage, weather patterns, history, bible study of Joseph through the Exodus of God's people from Egypt (in Africa, upright right hand corner), map skills, etc. The kids can practice handwriting by writing about Africa. You can do multiple grades at the same time very easily. Read African folk tales to the little ones, older ones can write a folk tale. You know what I mean? You can lap book (google lapbooking.) It can take a little while to plan, but you can buy some starter unit studies and grant yourself permission to use as much or as few of the suggestions as you'd like, supplementing with the internet, library, museums, aquariums, Netflix, etc. which of course you may do with other approaches as well. KONOS is the grandfather of all unit studies, google it if this approach turns you on. You can usually find free units on the web on various animals, Olympics, elections, seasons, etc. all for the price of ink and paper. Google Amanda Bennett. Sometimes, some crazy homeschool mom with more time on her hands than most of us (or is perimenepausal and can't sleep) will make available on the web a unit study on the most recent kid movie to come out...like, say, Dolphin Tale. It's out there, google it.
#6 "Eclectic Approach": Basically, you're not married to any one approach, but you allow yourself to ala carte. Carpe diem, go forth in freedom.
This is not all inclusive, but it's a start. And clearly, I did not put alot of energy into hiding my personal opinions or preferences. Buyer beware. I've not used every curriculum but I have used some, and if you're interested, here's a quick blurb on how what I think:
Singapore Math: Great for kids who do not need alot of repetition and practice. If they do, I hear Saxon is better. Sing only goes up to 6th grade max. I loved it early elementary, but didn't care for it after 4th...it got confusing and weird.
Teaching Textbooks: LOVE!!! I can't teach 7 different subjects to 3 different students at 3 different grade levels! Teaching Textbooks starts at 3rd (or really advanced 2nd) and my kids LOVE IT! Math is fun, or at least not as painful. I've only used through pre-algebra, and the reviews are mostly positive, although mixed above Algebra II.
Saxon Grammar: It's a drudge! We use it as a resource. Busy, busy, ugh!
Institute for Excellence in Writing: You have to find a class or spend time as a parent up front learning the whole technique. It appears WAY more overwhelming than it really is. Take the plunge. It is phenomenal as is Mr. Pudewa. Attend every lecture at convention. Pudewa and Mark Hamby with Lamplighter Books. It's a bit of an investment, but you will use it with all your kids.
Mystery of History: Written by a mom like she's sitting in the room talking with you. Well done for elementary and middle school, including the crafts and map work. Unapologetically biblical.
Apologia: Do it all! Science, brilliant and biblical. The apologetics series, outstanding for the whole family Jump In writing, outstanding. And they have classes online for the upper middle school and high school.
David Quine's Cornerstone Curriculum: Outstanding for above average middle and high school students. Very rigorous Worldview literature/bible studies.
Discover 4 Yourself bible studies from Precept Ministries: Excellent instruction for exegetical bible study techniques for kids who are fairly decent readers. Added perk, it also reinforces some language art skills.
Total Language Plus/Progeny Press: Good for some 3rd graders and above. Inexpensive and thorough. Can be too slow moving for some kids. Literature choices are delightful and biblical.
Lamplighter Books: Books and audio dramas that are classic and character building. Necessary!
Go to convention, listen to the lecture 'experts', talk to the people at the curriculum booths, then go hang out in the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. That's where you get the real down and dirty on the curriculum. Mom's speak freely in there.
Curriculum can be a great tool. But being a parent who loves the Lord, submits to Him as Lord, is intentional about maturing in Christ, vigilant after sin and character flaws, models being bathed daily in God's grace, practices gratitude and other similar pursuits are of far greater importance. Do not be so busy with lesson plans and completing curriculum that you miss teachable moments, opportunities for service, cultivating relationships, mentoring, snuggling and for goodness sake, laughing.
For more on the eclectice/CM approach, head on over to http://homeschoolingnhighheels.blogspot.com/2012/06/homeschooling-where-of-it-all.html
Homeschooling-the WHERE of it all.
Your schooling style will depend largely on your goals, the personality of each child, your personality, your availability/lifestyle, budget and trial and error. Inevitably, you will buy curriculum that you never use and you will feel like you wasted money. I'll say this in sweet, dulcet tones, 'get over it.' That's what used book sales are for. You can't start condemning yourself for well intentioned mistakes. It's only the beginning. This list is not exhaustive, but it might be a good place to start if you're taking your first crack at homeschooling.
#1 Buy "Curriculum in a Box": On the upside, it's a one stop shop at the Bob Jones, Abeka or My Father's World booth or website, search for whatever grade Junior's in, and viola, everything you need in a big, relatively high priced box to do 'school at home.' If you're really techy, you can do the same with Switched on Schoolhouse, which is the same concept, only online/cd as opposed to textbook/workbook form. Maybe this is comfortable for you. You like it all handy, all laid out. Downside? It's kinda like when you're in public school and you miss a week to go visit an aunt who broke a hip, and the teacher sent home all the school work you have to do on you're own. They've done all the work for you and determined what your child should learn at what grade, just like in public school. If you're new, just transitioning from public school, feel under-researched to make other choices or you're an accountant type personality with a high need for order, schedule and structure, this might be the approach for you. Please note though, you can buy subjects ala carte, so if you like, say, the Bob Jones handwriting workbook, you are able to purchase just that.
#2 The "Classical Education": This method is based on 'The Trivium'. Basically, it follows the model of classical education understood to be consistent with Aristotle, Plato, Socrates and the rest of those guys. It suggests that little bitty brains are great at absorbing gobs and gobs of info through memorization, this is called the grammar stage, roughly K-5th. So, of course, Latin would be easier to learn in 1st grade than 10th. Shirley Grammar is a popular language arts curriculum in this approach because it emphasizes repetition of facts and the memorizing of little grammar songs to maximize this window of rote memory acumen. You'll make and use up to 10,000 flash cards a semester. You may like that. From 6th-8th (ish) you move your kids through the logic stage where begin to order the information they have memorized and to form cogent arguments based on what they've memorized. Then in high school, the students are ready for the rhetoric stage where they practice the art of articulating, apologizing and arguing their point of view, you know, captain of the debate team stuff. Jessie Wise and her daughter Susan Wise Bauer are the reigning homeschool gurus for this approach and together have written the classical education handbook "The Well Trained Mind" as well as a line of language arts (Language Lessons) and history curriculum (The Story of the World) based on this approach for your shopping pleasure. Additionally, there are co-ops and support groups online or possibly in your community to help and encourage you. The upside? Using this approach has the opportunity to expose your kids to a great deal of really great information and arts and children who thrive with this model will likely have the best SAT scores and best chance of winning JEOPARDY Teenweek. Added perk? Violin lessons are required, I think. But you might need to enroll your boys in some type of self defense, martial arts program just to be safe. If you schedule it back to back with the chess club meeting, you only have to make one trip. I hope you understand that this is a tongue-in-cheek caricature, and not intended to be a slight to students who may resemble this description. Really, these may be the greatest thinking, philosophical and art appreciative adults of our time. But please be on guard for the potential downsides of this approach even if executed well (despite being well intentioned as a parent) The fact that your 7 year old is able to dazzle your in-laws with a poem in Latin may feel like a big 'told you, I can too homeschool' and feed your pride that you're the best homeschool mom on the planet. All the while, junior may absolutely hate school by the 1st grade and you've now set yourself up for a battle every single day of your life between your goal of your kids being the most brilliant with a full scholarship to MIT and his goal of 'hey mom, I'm 7 and kids are riding their bikes around the neighborhood while I'm learning violin via the Suzuki method.' If not managed carefully and in moderation, the potential exists to either crush them into submission or drive them into rebellion that will make your house feel like the battle of Armageddon. There ARE families that thrive in this method, I'm just trying to point our the potential caveats. Let this be your guide: Education=Good, Education as an idol=Bad.
#3 "Charlotte Mason Approach": Charlotte Mason was a British educator in the later 1800's and early 1900's. Her approach to education was to focus on the development of children's character and the intentional and meticulous cultivation of habits (habits of decency, mental habits, moral habits, physical habits and religious habits). In this approach, lessons with the very young are kept short. During the lesson the student is required to exercise self control, focus, attention to detail and be fully engaged, and then they are released to wiggle, wrestle, explore, etc. As they mature, the length of time devoted to lessons is increased. The idea is that the lessons are pleasant, enjoyable and edifying and that they end before becoming repetitive and dull, creating a positive experience with learning. Because of this positive experience, theoretically, they will naturally develop the habit of loving to learn. Common with this method are nature walks with the exercise of journaling. Casually pointing out details thus creating the habits of attentiveness, attention to detail, being observant and engaging in natural discussion that models excellent communication skills such as articulation, proper word usage, respect and social graces are the goal. Also integral to this method is the reading of classical literature aloud and narration exercises (having the child retell what was just read in their own words.) Karen Andreola is the recognized homeschool guru on Charlotte Mason, and her website, SimplyCharlotteMason.com, is a wonderful source of information and materials. As an aside, my parenting book library weighs in at about 900 pounds, and if I had to sell them all, one of the last I would let go is "Laying Down the Rails" which is a brilliant compilation of Charlotte Mason's wisdom on the cultivation of character habits. The Charlotte Mason method is a schooling philosophy more than a curriculum. It does focus on 'living' books which is a reference to good literature with meter, excellent language usage, rich adjectives and verbs to help the child practice imagination, good plot and character development all followed up be imaginative play and/or rich discussion. She rejects books lacking these elements, books which she calls twaddle. She would say that June B. Jones and Captain Underpants books are an insult to a child's intelligence. Copywork in emphasized as opposed to 'grammar curriculum', the idea being that a child trained in the art of paying attention will notice, with the teacher's help, that the first letter of the sentence is capitalized and that the sentence ends in a period. Copywork may be discussed and repeated until all rules and proper formation of the letters and structure of the sentence are mastered. As with the lessons of character, the parent is the student first, and the children catch it in the same way they would strep throat. As an additional manual, Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning, by Oliver and Rachel DeMille, is an excellent book outlining an overall blueprint of a child's educational career from infancy though young adulthood, with the expectation that they will be influential leaders of character and distinction. I warn in advance that the DeMilles are mormon, however, I was unable to discern anything specifically contradictory about the content of their book with regard to my Christian faith. You will find this and other DeMille books recommended by Andrew Pudewa under the heading of Freedomship Education on the IEW website.
#4 "Unschooling" Not much, if any formal structure, allowing the child's interest to direct their own education. Practical application is emphasized, such as kitchen math, you know, learning fractions by cutting a cantaloupe in 1/2, then 1/4, etc. That's cool. But a die hard unschooling parent would say that it's ok for a child to not progress past kitchen math or check book balancing math unless he was interested in math. And on the one hand I say, yes, I never used calculus past 12th grade. True. However, in my freshman year of college, I was at least equipped with the option of pursuing an engineering degree if I found that to be my interest at the time. In other words, I don't think an 8 year old who doesn't know what he wants to do with his life needs to determine the path of his education, particularly when a lack of knowledge in the core subjects will limit his future options. However, presenting Junior with the choice of botany or astronomy in the 5th grade may be a perfectly edifying and appropriate way for Junior to help direct his education.
#5 "Unit Studies": Pick a unit, say Africa, then build your subject lessons around that unit. Study the animals of Africa, the geography, plants, cultures, language, heritage, weather patterns, history, bible study of Joseph through the Exodus of God's people from Egypt (in Africa, upright right hand corner), map skills, etc. The kids can practice handwriting by writing about Africa. You can do multiple grades at the same time very easily. Read African folk tales to the little ones, older ones can write a folk tale. You know what I mean? You can lap book (google lapbooking.) It can take a little while to plan, but you can buy some starter unit studies and grant yourself permission to use as much or as few of the suggestions as you'd like, supplementing with the internet, library, museums, aquariums, Netflix, etc. which of course you may do with other approaches as well. KONOS is the grandfather of all unit studies, google it if this approach turns you on. You can usually find free units on the web on various animals, Olympics, elections, seasons, etc. all for the price of ink and paper. Google Amanda Bennett. Sometimes, some crazy homeschool mom with more time on her hands than most of us (or is perimenepausal and can't sleep) will make available on the web a unit study on the most recent kid movie to come out...like, say, Dolphin Tale. It's out there, google it.
#6 "Eclectic Approach": Basically, you're not married to any one approach, but you allow yourself to ala carte. Carpe diem, go forth in freedom.
This is not all inclusive, but it's a start. And clearly, I did not put alot of energy into hiding my personal opinions or preferences. Buyer beware. I've not used every curriculum but I have used some, and if you're interested, here's a quick blurb on how what I think:
Singapore Math: Great for kids who do not need alot of repetition and practice. If they do, I hear Saxon is better. Sing only goes up to 6th grade max. I loved it early elementary, but didn't care for it after 4th...it got confusing and weird.
Teaching Textbooks: LOVE!!! I can't teach 7 different subjects to 3 different students at 3 different grade levels! Teaching Textbooks starts at 3rd (or really advanced 2nd) and my kids LOVE IT! Math is fun, or at least not as painful. I've only used through pre-algebra, and the reviews are mostly positive, although mixed above Algebra II.
Saxon Grammar: It's a drudge! We use it as a resource. Busy, busy, ugh!
Institute for Excellence in Writing: You have to find a class or spend time as a parent up front learning the whole technique. It appears WAY more overwhelming than it really is. Take the plunge. It is phenomenal as is Mr. Pudewa. Attend every lecture at convention. Pudewa and Mark Hamby with Lamplighter Books. It's a bit of an investment, but you will use it with all your kids.
Mystery of History: Written by a mom like she's sitting in the room talking with you. Well done for elementary and middle school, including the crafts and map work. Unapologetically biblical.
Apologia: Do it all! Science, brilliant and biblical. The apologetics series, outstanding for the whole family Jump In writing, outstanding. And they have classes online for the upper middle school and high school.
David Quine's Cornerstone Curriculum: Outstanding for above average middle and high school students. Very rigorous Worldview literature/bible studies.
Discover 4 Yourself bible studies from Precept Ministries: Excellent instruction for exegetical bible study techniques for kids who are fairly decent readers. Added perk, it also reinforces some language art skills.
Total Language Plus/Progeny Press: Good for some 3rd graders and above. Inexpensive and thorough. Can be too slow moving for some kids. Literature choices are delightful and biblical.
Lamplighter Books: Books and audio dramas that are classic and character building. Necessary!
Go to convention, listen to the lecture 'experts', talk to the people at the curriculum booths, then go hang out in the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. That's where you get the real down and dirty on the curriculum. Mom's speak freely in there.
Curriculum can be a great tool. But being a parent who loves the Lord, submits to Him as Lord, is intentional about maturing in Christ, vigilant after sin and character flaws, models being bathed daily in God's grace, practices gratitude and other similar pursuits are of far greater importance. Do not be so busy with lesson plans and completing curriculum that you miss teachable moments, opportunities for service, cultivating relationships, mentoring, snuggling and for goodness sake, laughing.
For more on the eclectice/CM approach, head on over to http://homeschoolingnhighheels.blogspot.com/2012/06/homeschooling-where-of-it-all.html
Homeschooling-the WHERE of it all.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
So You Think You Wanna Homeschool? The WHO of it all
When I began homeschooling 8 years ago, the estimated average percentage of families educating at home in America was about 1. In less than a decade, some statistics would say that we are now approaching 4%, with demographics like secular families, African American families and female same sex parent families, especially in the northeast, among the fastest growing segments of the U.S. population to join the home education movement. While homeschooling may have originated primarily out of the vestigages of the hippie rebellion against perceived authoritarian government or with families committed to providing a Christian education no longer permitted in public schools, it certainly has gained traction and spread seed to curious onlookers, who bring with them a broader definition of the motivation to educate their children outside traditional schooling options.
Since 1963, SAT scores have been in steady decline. Literacy is down. Morality is down. And violence is up. Americans are less competitive in the world market resulting in the outsourcing of our jobs to other countries simply because other countries produce an product that is more employable. Despite a contingent of loving, gifted, well-intentioned public educators, they are admirably, but regretably spitting into the wind and all attempts at revitalizing this method of education with any degree of success worthy of celebration has been futile to the point that secularists are abandoning the system in growing numbers. It is not my intention to list here all of the various ways the system fails to educate our kids, or all the ways it's broken. There are books and web sites full of statistics all of which you've probably already at least aquainted yourself with, otherwise you would not be even slightly interested in this post. But I believe there are times when, out of fear, we make God too small. Is it possible that young people are graduating from the public school system today with a marketable education and a firm foundation of moral, even Christian, beliefs? Absolutely. I know some. I'm proud to know young people that are active in their college campus ministries, have done missionary service in foreign countries and are having God honoring spouse choosing relationships while continuing to get an upper education and prepare for the next phase of their life after having graduated with a public school diploma. Heck, I have a public school diploma. So does my husband. But I will say this; I did not find a love of learning until I began to homeschool my children and my children have never know what it means to not love learning. I do have some strong opinions about why homeschooling might be a first choice option for some without having any intent to condemn those who may choose not to.
The WHO of homeschooling is taking on a more broad definition than the previous few decades. For me, the WHO of it all is that I'm a lover of Jesus Christ, by God's grace and mercy toward me for reasons known only to Him, and certainly not at all understood by me. I believe that He is able to accompany my children in whatever educational environment they are in, but I'm am humbled that He has allowed me the opportunity to be with my children, in lovely home and able to avail myself of many, but not all,opportunities offered homeschoolers for a fee and I'm grateful for my husband's job and his willingness to bare, cheerfully, the responsiblity of being sole financial provider. I am thankful to have 3 wonderful children with 4 and 3 years between, each with their own wonderful, but very different personalities. I am thankful to have fostered another precious child for a time and for the lessons learned and growth that has resulted. At various times I have attempted to grow a garden, I am currently purchasing raw milk that my kids will only drink in pinch and while I do like to wear skirts, I most frequently look as though I've been to Zumba, but have, in fact, not. Unless we are very close, VERY, you will never catch me without makeup on, it's just my way of serving the community. I love coffee and curriculum, although even I would argue that curriculum, especially for elementary, is not all it's cracked up to be, but it is pretty and it stirs up the hope of new possibilities...until I get bored, which is a huge weakness of mine. That and organization. And follow through. And patience. And run on sentences, because I write like I talk. I believe in freedom, but respect structure. I have confronted challenges, researched options and chosen solutions. For example, I don't answer the phone during school or family time and it has made some people mad. It's ok. I have spent hundreds of dollars on curriculum I have never used. I have overscheduled our family. I have underscheduled our family. I've let my family run out of clean underwear. I've fed them hotdogs, with nitrates. I've kept them out till 11, woke up at 10 and gone to Disney on a Tuesday because we can. If you ask my daughter what a pronoun is, she'll probably tell you it's a noun that's lost it's amatuer status because it's funnier than the real answer. My youngest prefers to do his phonics lessons adorned in only his underwear, a cape and lightsaber. Because he's not in public school, and therefore not on ridalin, he is usually running, jumping, kicking, punching or swordfighting something that only he can see, and will occassionally chime in with a right answer just to let you know he's actually listening, too. I crochet only because I can not knit and I sew because it's the one thing I learned from my deceased grandma that I can pass on to my daughter who shares her name. I'm not a perfect wife, ask my husband, he has a list. My kids think I'm pretty neat, but my oldest is only 12, he might change his mind, I will probably refer to it as losing his mind. My house is not gross, but it's not clean. Well, the boys bathroom's probably gross, but you'd have to climb over the pile of laundry to see it, and you can't do that through the computer.
The WHO of it all is that we're not perfect but by God's grace, we will be blessed when we seek first to bring Him glory.
Up next? The What of it all.
Since 1963, SAT scores have been in steady decline. Literacy is down. Morality is down. And violence is up. Americans are less competitive in the world market resulting in the outsourcing of our jobs to other countries simply because other countries produce an product that is more employable. Despite a contingent of loving, gifted, well-intentioned public educators, they are admirably, but regretably spitting into the wind and all attempts at revitalizing this method of education with any degree of success worthy of celebration has been futile to the point that secularists are abandoning the system in growing numbers. It is not my intention to list here all of the various ways the system fails to educate our kids, or all the ways it's broken. There are books and web sites full of statistics all of which you've probably already at least aquainted yourself with, otherwise you would not be even slightly interested in this post. But I believe there are times when, out of fear, we make God too small. Is it possible that young people are graduating from the public school system today with a marketable education and a firm foundation of moral, even Christian, beliefs? Absolutely. I know some. I'm proud to know young people that are active in their college campus ministries, have done missionary service in foreign countries and are having God honoring spouse choosing relationships while continuing to get an upper education and prepare for the next phase of their life after having graduated with a public school diploma. Heck, I have a public school diploma. So does my husband. But I will say this; I did not find a love of learning until I began to homeschool my children and my children have never know what it means to not love learning. I do have some strong opinions about why homeschooling might be a first choice option for some without having any intent to condemn those who may choose not to.
The WHO of homeschooling is taking on a more broad definition than the previous few decades. For me, the WHO of it all is that I'm a lover of Jesus Christ, by God's grace and mercy toward me for reasons known only to Him, and certainly not at all understood by me. I believe that He is able to accompany my children in whatever educational environment they are in, but I'm am humbled that He has allowed me the opportunity to be with my children, in lovely home and able to avail myself of many, but not all,opportunities offered homeschoolers for a fee and I'm grateful for my husband's job and his willingness to bare, cheerfully, the responsiblity of being sole financial provider. I am thankful to have 3 wonderful children with 4 and 3 years between, each with their own wonderful, but very different personalities. I am thankful to have fostered another precious child for a time and for the lessons learned and growth that has resulted. At various times I have attempted to grow a garden, I am currently purchasing raw milk that my kids will only drink in pinch and while I do like to wear skirts, I most frequently look as though I've been to Zumba, but have, in fact, not. Unless we are very close, VERY, you will never catch me without makeup on, it's just my way of serving the community. I love coffee and curriculum, although even I would argue that curriculum, especially for elementary, is not all it's cracked up to be, but it is pretty and it stirs up the hope of new possibilities...until I get bored, which is a huge weakness of mine. That and organization. And follow through. And patience. And run on sentences, because I write like I talk. I believe in freedom, but respect structure. I have confronted challenges, researched options and chosen solutions. For example, I don't answer the phone during school or family time and it has made some people mad. It's ok. I have spent hundreds of dollars on curriculum I have never used. I have overscheduled our family. I have underscheduled our family. I've let my family run out of clean underwear. I've fed them hotdogs, with nitrates. I've kept them out till 11, woke up at 10 and gone to Disney on a Tuesday because we can. If you ask my daughter what a pronoun is, she'll probably tell you it's a noun that's lost it's amatuer status because it's funnier than the real answer. My youngest prefers to do his phonics lessons adorned in only his underwear, a cape and lightsaber. Because he's not in public school, and therefore not on ridalin, he is usually running, jumping, kicking, punching or swordfighting something that only he can see, and will occassionally chime in with a right answer just to let you know he's actually listening, too. I crochet only because I can not knit and I sew because it's the one thing I learned from my deceased grandma that I can pass on to my daughter who shares her name. I'm not a perfect wife, ask my husband, he has a list. My kids think I'm pretty neat, but my oldest is only 12, he might change his mind, I will probably refer to it as losing his mind. My house is not gross, but it's not clean. Well, the boys bathroom's probably gross, but you'd have to climb over the pile of laundry to see it, and you can't do that through the computer.
The WHO of it all is that we're not perfect but by God's grace, we will be blessed when we seek first to bring Him glory.
Up next? The What of it all.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Blue Angels and Kitchen Utensils
Each spring, my neighboring community plays host to an air show which, among other flying talent, features the Blue Angels. I really wasn't thinking about it until the noise of jets in the distance scared my youngest while we were doing a history lesson on the back lanai. I need to do a better job of creating structure and schedule for my kids, but not today apparently. I yelled "everyone go to the bathroom, grab some bottled water and get in the van. I'll show you what that noise is." Twenty minutes later, we were hanging out in the back of the mini van in the 'free seats' section of a field across from the airport.
Now these naval jets have the capacity to exceed mach 1.8 (1,382 MPH) legally above 10,000 feet. In an airshow however, they may not exceed 650 MPH. I don't know how high or fast our guys were flying, but DANG! Maverick and Iceman rattled my innards and rearranged the mechanisms in my left ear. According to their website, the pilots begin training in formation at a spread of one mile apart, but mastery comes at flying 6 feet from your wingman.
I began wondering about the character of the pilots. What had prepared them to be the 'best of the best?' To be counted as one of only 242 people to ever fly as a Blue Angel. In what way had their parents prepared them to be ready? I image these men have to be people of integrity, determined, self motivated, disciplined and hard working. They must have experience with the kind of teamwork some of us can only imagine. I've never been in a situation where the consequence of substandard performance or a slight error could mean death. It's a heady thing to imagine.
Back at home, I encountered this sight. This is my 4 year old's version of empying his part of the dishwasher. Now, it's not likely he'll want to be a Blue Angel. But this is his season of 'preparation.' A short period of time for him to build the character attributes necessary to be successful at whatever God calls him to do. When it comes time for him to leave my immediate sphere of influence, I want him to be as characterologically complete as I was able to pull off. Apart from loving him, praying for him and imparting my faith to him, I believe this to be my highest parental calling. To do this well, I have had to work on my own issues of patience and tolerance of repetition. I have endeavored to balance grace and truth, so as not to provoke my children to wrath in the character refining process. I try to pay attention to the model I have in how God "parents" me and continues to build my character. He bought me with the blood of His Son and refines me like silver. The fire gets hot at times to expose the impurities He desires to rid me of. But there's always the healing waters. God stays focused on the goal of conforming me to the image of His Son and He will do whatever is necessary.
This is my youngest child. I've been doing this kind of discipline for awhile. I can't slack off. He'll have to re-organize the kitchen utensils.
I began wondering about the character of the pilots. What had prepared them to be the 'best of the best?' To be counted as one of only 242 people to ever fly as a Blue Angel. In what way had their parents prepared them to be ready? I image these men have to be people of integrity, determined, self motivated, disciplined and hard working. They must have experience with the kind of teamwork some of us can only imagine. I've never been in a situation where the consequence of substandard performance or a slight error could mean death. It's a heady thing to imagine.
This is my youngest child. I've been doing this kind of discipline for awhile. I can't slack off. He'll have to re-organize the kitchen utensils.
A Challenge to Celebrating the Sovereignty of God
Deut 32:39 See now that I, even I, am He, and there is no God beside me; I kill and I make alive; I wound and I heal; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand.
Most of the time I see this verse as an awesome declaration to the sovereign power of a Most High God. After a "the great trial" of my life, I saw the this verse making the same declaration, but I felt differently about it. It was not a source of security, but something very heady to wrestle. Not me only. The christian book stores are replete with titles that ask the same question. Why would a good God...? Why does God allow...? I reminded myself of Job, frequently. It's a paradoxical quagmire. I want to be the center of God's attention. His love. His hand on my life in such a way that I know I'm growing in conformity to the image of His son. Can't that happen in bible study? Small group? A wise piece of encouragement from a respected mentor? That doesn't hurt. In fact, there's generally coffee involved. I like coffee. I'm listening...and praying...and contemplating. I have coffee saturated head knowledge. But growth is minute, and theoretical. It might make me feel knowledgeable, important, puffed up. I think I tend to like that. But what plugs the head into the heart is experience. The full gamut.
The downside of being the center of God's attention is that His focus in not on our comfort, but on our conformity. He allows no idolatry, no adulterous behavior by His beloved. What shakes us loose is not a whisper. The walls we've built are on a faulty foundation. Bible study chewing gum will not plug the cracks in the walls. The Architect knows the only solution is to bring us down to the foundation, fix it on His firm rock, and rebuild it in Truth. That's loving, right? How can my head know this is for my best and His glory, and yet, it feels as though He has maliciously and unmercifully cut me straight through the heart. I understand the declaration of the unbeliever, "I could never believe in a god that would...." I understand why they would concoct a god that sprinkles gumdrops and rainbows over orphaned children and approve every sin I commit because 'my heart was in the right place'. A god like that is a comfortable version of what I would be like if I were God. Fuzzy slippers, warm milk and a bedtime story for the world. No boogie men. No hurt feelings. Always sharing, always encouraging, always trusting, and truth telling and taking care and protecting and, and.....I think He was that.
Wasn't that in Genesis, you know, before we messed it up? Ok, we messed it up, but Christ came to die, to forgive us. I think most christians like to limit the gospel to the salvation message. We were bad, He's good, came to die, we're forgiven.....big dinner party in heaven. We like to go to church and sing about salvation. Listen to salvation sermons and get a list of what we need to do better. Then we like to go out and tell everyone about our God who saves and the bible, you know, the part with the list of what we can try to do better. A God who forgives if we repeatedly do something we shouldn't....grace, that's it, grace. The one other theological term that makes us feel comfortable. But again, what if it's not about being comfortable? What if there's something between salvation and the big meal in heaven. What if it hurts....on purpose? "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one," Jesus asked of His Father. Did God keep Job from the evil one? This is not pleasant. God's the one who brought Job up in the conversation. "Hey Satan, have you noticed my servant Job? How he loves Me? How he serves Me?" How come we're still talking about him all these years later? Could it be that he was born just for the purpose of God demonstrating His power over the evil one? How about Pharaoh? Was it his express purpose in life to oppose God, that God might show Himself strong to a nation of His beloved, and to a pagan nation watching? Does the clay ask the Potter to be made a vessel of honor and not a vessel of dishonor, or does the Potter chose who will be the challis and who will be the chamber pot? Is it right? Is it fair? Is it what I would do if I were God?
How many times, in looking at our circumstances, have we taken our eyes off of Him, the Author and Perfector of our faith? We lose focus. The page starts arguing with the Author about what He's trying to write. The patient keeps arguing with the surgeon about how much pain should be involved in cutting out the cancer. If perfection in Christ is the goal, why do we grumble about His methods. If we were convinced that we were a patient in desperate need of healing, we would lay back in faith, trusting His hands are precise and strong, and that He is willing to cut as deeply and as widely as necessary to remove the death that seeks to consume us. He cuts because He is not afraid. He knows how big He is. He also heals. He binds up the brokenhearted....and in anther place, when our temporary but necessary suffering is over, He will quiet us and strengthen us. Laying on the Surgeon's table, trusting His scalpel to do it's sanctifying work, knowing that we are in the hands of the Most High....that's worship. That's the gospel lived out. That's a God that nonbelievers will be curious about.
Just like for Job, our trials our carefully chosen and metered, our tears collected, our faith encouraged, strength provided. Consider it all joy, my brethren, WHEN you encounter trials of various kinds, knowing that the TESTING OF YOUR FAITH produces PATIENCE. And let that patience have it's perfect work, that YOU MAY BE PERFECT and COMPLETE, LACKING NO GOOD THING.
To be known by Him, and to know that we know. The paradox is that He cuts deeply those He loves greatly. Crawl in His lap. Patience. Healing and growth will come. I have confidence in you, because I know what He's done in me.
Most of the time I see this verse as an awesome declaration to the sovereign power of a Most High God. After a "the great trial" of my life, I saw the this verse making the same declaration, but I felt differently about it. It was not a source of security, but something very heady to wrestle. Not me only. The christian book stores are replete with titles that ask the same question. Why would a good God...? Why does God allow...? I reminded myself of Job, frequently. It's a paradoxical quagmire. I want to be the center of God's attention. His love. His hand on my life in such a way that I know I'm growing in conformity to the image of His son. Can't that happen in bible study? Small group? A wise piece of encouragement from a respected mentor? That doesn't hurt. In fact, there's generally coffee involved. I like coffee. I'm listening...and praying...and contemplating. I have coffee saturated head knowledge. But growth is minute, and theoretical. It might make me feel knowledgeable, important, puffed up. I think I tend to like that. But what plugs the head into the heart is experience. The full gamut.
The downside of being the center of God's attention is that His focus in not on our comfort, but on our conformity. He allows no idolatry, no adulterous behavior by His beloved. What shakes us loose is not a whisper. The walls we've built are on a faulty foundation. Bible study chewing gum will not plug the cracks in the walls. The Architect knows the only solution is to bring us down to the foundation, fix it on His firm rock, and rebuild it in Truth. That's loving, right? How can my head know this is for my best and His glory, and yet, it feels as though He has maliciously and unmercifully cut me straight through the heart. I understand the declaration of the unbeliever, "I could never believe in a god that would...." I understand why they would concoct a god that sprinkles gumdrops and rainbows over orphaned children and approve every sin I commit because 'my heart was in the right place'. A god like that is a comfortable version of what I would be like if I were God. Fuzzy slippers, warm milk and a bedtime story for the world. No boogie men. No hurt feelings. Always sharing, always encouraging, always trusting, and truth telling and taking care and protecting and, and.....I think He was that.
Wasn't that in Genesis, you know, before we messed it up? Ok, we messed it up, but Christ came to die, to forgive us. I think most christians like to limit the gospel to the salvation message. We were bad, He's good, came to die, we're forgiven.....big dinner party in heaven. We like to go to church and sing about salvation. Listen to salvation sermons and get a list of what we need to do better. Then we like to go out and tell everyone about our God who saves and the bible, you know, the part with the list of what we can try to do better. A God who forgives if we repeatedly do something we shouldn't....grace, that's it, grace. The one other theological term that makes us feel comfortable. But again, what if it's not about being comfortable? What if there's something between salvation and the big meal in heaven. What if it hurts....on purpose? "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one," Jesus asked of His Father. Did God keep Job from the evil one? This is not pleasant. God's the one who brought Job up in the conversation. "Hey Satan, have you noticed my servant Job? How he loves Me? How he serves Me?" How come we're still talking about him all these years later? Could it be that he was born just for the purpose of God demonstrating His power over the evil one? How about Pharaoh? Was it his express purpose in life to oppose God, that God might show Himself strong to a nation of His beloved, and to a pagan nation watching? Does the clay ask the Potter to be made a vessel of honor and not a vessel of dishonor, or does the Potter chose who will be the challis and who will be the chamber pot? Is it right? Is it fair? Is it what I would do if I were God?
How many times, in looking at our circumstances, have we taken our eyes off of Him, the Author and Perfector of our faith? We lose focus. The page starts arguing with the Author about what He's trying to write. The patient keeps arguing with the surgeon about how much pain should be involved in cutting out the cancer. If perfection in Christ is the goal, why do we grumble about His methods. If we were convinced that we were a patient in desperate need of healing, we would lay back in faith, trusting His hands are precise and strong, and that He is willing to cut as deeply and as widely as necessary to remove the death that seeks to consume us. He cuts because He is not afraid. He knows how big He is. He also heals. He binds up the brokenhearted....and in anther place, when our temporary but necessary suffering is over, He will quiet us and strengthen us. Laying on the Surgeon's table, trusting His scalpel to do it's sanctifying work, knowing that we are in the hands of the Most High....that's worship. That's the gospel lived out. That's a God that nonbelievers will be curious about.
Just like for Job, our trials our carefully chosen and metered, our tears collected, our faith encouraged, strength provided. Consider it all joy, my brethren, WHEN you encounter trials of various kinds, knowing that the TESTING OF YOUR FAITH produces PATIENCE. And let that patience have it's perfect work, that YOU MAY BE PERFECT and COMPLETE, LACKING NO GOOD THING.
To be known by Him, and to know that we know. The paradox is that He cuts deeply those He loves greatly. Crawl in His lap. Patience. Healing and growth will come. I have confidence in you, because I know what He's done in me.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Fashion of a strong willed child
This is my middle child. She's a melancholy personality (from her dad) with a generous side of choleric (from me). If you don't speak this language, a good translation would be that she's endowed by God with a strong desire for order, she has a well defined point of view that she thinks is better than anyone else's and she willing to die on a hill for most of her ideas. Or she will kill you if you get in the way. Whichever, someone's gonna die. In simpler terms, she's strong-willed. And she thinks this looks good.
The problem with this ensemble is not the pajama pants or mixed prints or that it's 90 degrees outside. Those are all battles and my personal policy is that she must win every battle possible. She's hardwired to have a greater than average need to control (the good kind). She must have an outlet to assert her ideas, exercise her independence, to disagree in a respectful manner. Her personality needs it almost like her body needs food. If her needs go unmet, she will fight. It's hardwired and wonderful. Isn't that what most parents find challenging about strong willed children is the 'fight'. It's really simple, don't fight battles. Let them win. Tiara to church? Fine. In fact, you look great. You want to sleep upside down in your bed? How clever you are. I never thought of that. You want to take a shower instead of a bath? Fabulous. In fact, I see now that you like to make decisions for yourself. Would you like to use pen or pencil to do your schoolwork? Spoon or fork? Brush or comb? Tennis shoes or flip flops? Peas on the left or right side of your chicken?
Who cares? Create opportunities for strong willed kids to have a vote on what you don't care about so that you will have 15 "that's a great choice" comments in the bag when you have to whip out an "I'm sorry honey, that's not gonna work." And you do need to whip that out with authority and without negotiation when it is important. The battles are her's, but the war needs to be the mine. Otherwise, the teen years will be especially unpleasant. Not to mention the rest of her life.
Publishing a list of family values, beliefs and non-negotiables is the greatest way to deal with stong willed children (and grown people, for that matter). When it's time for conflict, it's just simply a matter of asking the whether or not the behavior or attitude in question is in line with the published, previously agreed to set of criteria. For example, the only objection I allow myself to have about the outfit above is that there is a triangular shaped opening which exposes her tummy. Because I have previously published the modesty standards for our family, I just simply need to ask "is showing your tummy in agreement with the standard or not?" It's not negotiable. It's not a matter of opinion. She's allowed to have all kinds of opinions as to color, texture, print, season, etc., but she's not permitted to deviate from our standards of modest dress. Guess what? No argument. And here's the important part: it's her problem to solve. She has the freedom to solve that triangle problem any way her heart desires. She can change tops, Put another shirt on underneath it. Whip out her sewing machine and fashion a triangle fabric solution. And I will be sure to praise her creativity and affirm her excellent problem solving skills. And she will think I'm a great mom for appreciating her sense of style. It's a win/win.
Who cares? Create opportunities for strong willed kids to have a vote on what you don't care about so that you will have 15 "that's a great choice" comments in the bag when you have to whip out an "I'm sorry honey, that's not gonna work." And you do need to whip that out with authority and without negotiation when it is important. The battles are her's, but the war needs to be the mine. Otherwise, the teen years will be especially unpleasant. Not to mention the rest of her life.
Publishing a list of family values, beliefs and non-negotiables is the greatest way to deal with stong willed children (and grown people, for that matter). When it's time for conflict, it's just simply a matter of asking the whether or not the behavior or attitude in question is in line with the published, previously agreed to set of criteria. For example, the only objection I allow myself to have about the outfit above is that there is a triangular shaped opening which exposes her tummy. Because I have previously published the modesty standards for our family, I just simply need to ask "is showing your tummy in agreement with the standard or not?" It's not negotiable. It's not a matter of opinion. She's allowed to have all kinds of opinions as to color, texture, print, season, etc., but she's not permitted to deviate from our standards of modest dress. Guess what? No argument. And here's the important part: it's her problem to solve. She has the freedom to solve that triangle problem any way her heart desires. She can change tops, Put another shirt on underneath it. Whip out her sewing machine and fashion a triangle fabric solution. And I will be sure to praise her creativity and affirm her excellent problem solving skills. And she will think I'm a great mom for appreciating her sense of style. It's a win/win.
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